Society does a pretty good job telling us that we have to be in a relationship in order to feel loved or wanted. We’re pressured to believe that there’s some sort of validation behind having a significant other. Many times, we’re unfortunately confronted with the idea that there must be something wrong with us if we’re not wanted romantically. But the truth is, you really don’t need to be in a relationship to validate that you’re capable of being loved or wanted. There are so many people in your life that love you. Your friends and your family love you.
And you may be thinking, “Nah, those people are supposed to love me. That love doesn’t count.”
I get it: we’re basically trained to think there’s some sort of hierarchy with love. We find that romantic love is placed at the top, and then love from your friends and family fall behind. We tend to fixate on the goal of “becoming more than friends” instead of just appreciating the friendship as it is. We view romantic love as a promotion and anything other than that as a demotion. But honestly, I think it’s wrong to think that way.
Of course the love from your friends and family counts. That love should never be overlooked or neglected just because it doesn’t have anything romantic attached to it. The love from your friends and family is simply based on appreciating each other’s company and existence; it’s love that is genuine and unconditional; it’s love that should never fall second place to anything.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not opposed to romantic relationships. In fact, if you are in a relationship and you are happy, then that’s awesome. I just think it’s important to acknowledge the genuine love that many of us already experience. It’s important to know that there is still great value in the love that isn’t romantic.
Deeming yourself as unlovable because you don’t or have never had a significant other is not the way to validate that you are capable of being loved or wanted. Love doesn’t have to equate to intimacy or romance. Love is who you first go to when you have good news. Love is wondering where the time went when what was supposed to be a five minute phone call with an old friend turns into a two hour conversation. Love is having a refrigerator full of food when your parents visit you in college. Love is reminding someone that they can overcome any of life’s obstacles. Love is using the front facing camera on Snapchat to send really rough selfies to your best friends, and real love is when those selfies are longer than three seconds.
Instead of chasing after romantic love, focus on the love that has always been there with your friends and family, and better yet, focus on self-love. Let romantic love happen when it needs to happen, and in the meantime, choose to build even stronger relationships with yourself as well as with the people who love you unconditionally. Never doubt that you’re incapable of being loved because I promise you there are so many people in your life that love you.
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