Love is in the air, everyone! Of course when I say that around February 14 I mean the love retail stores have for everyone who runs in the morning of Valentine’s Day scrambling to get a random gift for their spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, and even their “hook-up-that’s-actually-more-serious-than-they-thought”. Yes that’s right, I’m talking about Valentine’s Day gifts. There’s so many predictable things that happen on Valentine’s Day every. Single. Year. Instagram will be about 50% pictures of some super cute besties together with the overused “Sex and the City” quote about best friends being our soul mates and not needing men, 30% couple pictures with way too long and intimate captions professing their love for each other, and 20% pictures of presents with the caption “he spoils me so much! *heart eyed emoji*”. Twitter you’ll mostly find girls complaining about how they are forever alone for yet another Valentine’s Day, pictures of “50 Shades of Grey” movie tickets, and single guys who probably forgot it was Valentine’s Day until they checked their timeline. This happens every year, but single or not, I only have one request: STOP BUYING OVER-RATED VALENTINE’S DAY PRESENTS. I can scroll past the Instagram love novels, roll my eyes when you say you “don’t need a man”, and even play the world’s tiniest violin for your “forever alone” rants but I simply cannot ignore the useless and over-rated gifts that retail America has somehow convinced you are a good present for your S.O. What do I mean, over-rated gifts, exactly?
1. Giant Teddy Bears
This is #1 on the list mainly because of the popularity these giant stuffed animals have received on social media recently. Photos of grown men struggling to carry a life-size stuffed bear out of a Walmart have popped up all over my timeline with the simple caption “goals”. I am genuinely asking, why is that such a great goal? Really think here, what on earth are you going to do with a teddy bear your size after Valentine’s Day? Don’t even try to convince me that people aren’t going to think you’re super weird if you’re above the age of 7 with a giant teddy bear in the corner of your room, and unless your room is modeled after a Build-A-Bear store, Mr. Teddy Bear is definitely going to clash with your décor.
2. Heart Shaped Jewelry
“Oh, that’s a nice pair of heart shaped earrings, who got those for you?” Did you notice anything about that question, like maybe the fact that it is never assumed that someone buys heart shaped jewelry for themselves? Retail stores have convinced guys for years that what women really want for Valentine’s Day is heart shaped EVERYTHING. It’s as if that is the only acceptable shape to get jewelry on Valentine’s Day. I’m sorry, but after a non-existent survey I took, I have decided about 90% of women would much rather get jewelry that caters to her personal taste than a generic heart-shaped ring that will 100% be thrown away once you break up.
3. Heart Shaped Boxes of Chocolate
So before you all freak out at the fact that I would dare to not suggest chocolate as a Valentine’s Day present, let me point out I did not say “never get a girl delicious chocolate for Valentine’s Day”. I’m specifically talking about those red and pink boxes that CVS will mark 70% off on Febrauary 15. Sure, they look cute in pictures, but realistically you don’t know what you’re buying exactly and end up cautiously taking half-bites of all the chocolates and leaving behind most of them. The alternative? Get her favorite candy or an edible arrangement (with chocolate, if the arrangement doesn’t have chocolate you’re doing it wrong).
4. Heart Shaped Pillows
Just because this is a holiday supposedly dedicated to happy, loving couples does NOT mean I want to be bombarded with hearts all day. Maybe the heart shaped pillow seemed like a good idea when it was shoved in your face as you were leaving a convenience store, but what is your girlfriend going to do with a heart-shaped pillow after Valentine’s Day? Chances are her room is carefully crafted to her liking with a specific set of throw pillows and color scheme, and that hot pink 2×2 pillow you just bought her is for sure going to clash. Step away from the fluffy hearts, gentlemen.
5. Stuffed Animals that say “I Love You”
Picture this. It’s your girlfriend’s birthday, or Christmas. You’re trying to find a gift and you can’t think of anything when suddenly it hits you: “I’ll buy her a stuffed animal holding a heart that says I LOVE YOU!” Oh, that’s never happened to you? There is a reason for that and it’s called “why would my girlfriend ever want that?” But Valentine’s Day rolls around and all of a sudden it’s the best gift idea ever? Yeah a little teddy bear holding a heart is cute in theory, but I would probably leave it on my bed for a day or two before it slowly found its way to the back of my closet.
If you really care about your S.O, give them a special, unique gift for Valentine’s Day. Don’t be blinded by the pink and red and all the stuffed animals and hearts, think about finding a gift the same way you would for any other holiday. Happy love day, everyone!