It’s spooky week! The chances you heard about any party or event going down sometime this week are very high and there’s a good chance you might fit the spooky mood by loosing a bit of your soul (and dignity) at one of these events. To save you a bit of face, here is a timeline of an average girl’s night out on Halloween.
8:00 p.m.
You’re getting ready with your girlfriends while maybe playing some new edgy Taylor Swift or some classic Halloween jams. Maybe you’re getting a little pre-gaming on. Either way, you are so excited for the night and so determined to draw on your kitty whiskers perfect because you need to have plenty of great photos of the night ready for Instagram the next morning.
9:30 p.m.
It’s about time to hop in the Uber! After explaining to your driver what each of your costumes is, you gladly take the aux and jam out the whole way, practicing your dance moves, getting even more pumped for the night to come.
10:00 p.m.
You arrive downtown with your friends. You guys look and feel perfect and ready to take on the night and begin the march to your first bar. No one can stop you and your kitty costume now.
10:30 p.m.
After waiting behind a giant gang of men dressed like Eleven from Stranger Things for what feels like forever, you finally get to the bartender and just ask for anything. You knock it down along with maybe a couple other but you’re starting to loose count. You turn to your friends and yell “Tonight is going to be the best Halloween ever! I’m so glad we got to do this, I love you guys!”
11:30 p.m.
Now that your pretty full of some giggle-juice you decide this is the perfect time for the entire dance floor to see your rendition of Michael Jackson’s Thriller that you only really learned from watching that scene from 13 Going on 30 on repeat. *Yes everyone loves this. I look great, look at me go!* you keep telling yourself.
12:45
Oooh does that guy over there dressed as 3 hole punch Jim Halpert look exactly like the real John Krasinski to you? You point him out to your friend and yell probably loud enough so he can hear; “HEY, Go dance with Jim from The Office, he looks EXACTLY like your type!!” Why is he awkwardly shuffling out that back door?
1:something??? Where is your phone?
When did we get to this McDonalds? Who cares I’m starving. Just need to refuel before I get back on the dance floor. Why did Rebecca wipe off all of the deer makeup you worked so hard on for her? I think Rebecca just really hates me deep down, why would she do this to me I am so personally offended, why would she would ruin my Halloween night when she KNOWS IT’S MY FAVORITE?
Maybe its past 2?? Like I don’t know anymore?
I’m missing an ear, my phone, my sanity, and my whiskers are more like a giant black smudge more than anything. Rebecca left because her BOYFRIEND came and picked her up (classic Rebecca just ditching us). I guess we can hop in that taxi? Like I don’t know aren’t taxi’s cursed on Halloween?? Is that a movie? Why is everyone ignoring me. Why can’t I just go trick or treating and sit in bed watching Scream? This was the worst night of my life I’m never stepping a foot in downtown again. Don’t even think about ever giving me anything red to drink EVER AGAIN.
Maybe you can perfectly relate to this and I brought back some unwanted memories from Halloween’s past. Or maybe you can’t relate at all and your perfect Halloween is eating discounted candy and watching horror films from the comfort of your own bed. Either way you do it as long as you are in the festive season then go on and celebrate!
Photo source: everybody-last-night-vs-me-watching-yall-snaps-is-that-6275596.png