“I think about food too much.” “I feel out of control when I eat.”
These are both options on the counseling services survey that would hurt every time I saw them pop up. I’ve been going to counseling for other reasons, why would I need to talk about my eating habits? That would just make everything go off topic and my counselor might get worried, just select no. Just select no because no one needs to know.
I’ve been battling my inner thoughts on body image for ages. I remember being in the 6th grade, and giving away every piece of my lunch so that I have nothing to eat. I would come home and throw up my dinners in the shower afterwards all just so I can look skinny. No 11-year-old kid should start starving themselves because they don’t like their body, but I didn’t care because if skinny jeans were supposed to fit me like they did the other girls in school, I needed to get rid of my thighs. This way I eat still will happen for a couple of weeks or months, and then I’ll be eating “normal” for a while.
I now realize that nothing I do when it comes to eating is “normal.” Being “normal” is not eating one dinner plate of stir fry and then thinking about it for the next 24 hours and refusing to eat anything else. Normal isn’t taking 5 different vitamins every morning on top of a giant diet pill. It gives me hives and jittery energy, but hey at least my stomach isn’t growling in class for everyone to hear. I have convinced myself that the only safe things to eat and not gain 5 pounds instantly is fruit and veggies, and if I have one piece of bread or potato this is all over and I’m a complete failure. Living off of 4 cans of diet coke and fruit is not normal. The constant fear in my head that some day this week I’ll probably pass out again is not normal. Nothing I do revolving around food is normal, and the worst part is that I’m still not “skinny”.
When people think of eating disorders their minds go to those images of girl’s bones sticking out they showed us in psychology class, or super skinny runway models that obviously have an extremely low BMI. After finally realizing I have a problem, its too much to get help out of fear no one believes you. If no one has noticed then it’s not a problem right? Wrong.
At least 30 million people in the United States right now suffer from an Eating Disorder. Every 62 minutes someone with an eating disorder dies. The word I have always been afraid of , Anorexia, is defined as psychological symptoms that include a distorted self-image and fear of weight gain, characterized by excessive weight loss. Even if the person doesn’t seem to have a change in weight, they could still be going through the psychological symptoms. This week of February 26 is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. If you or anyone you know understand the feelings of thinking about food too much and feeling out of control, please urge them to visit a counselor, or to call the National Eating Disorder Hotline at (800) 931-2237, or you can visit their website to chat at https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline.