Welcome to a surprise intervention. You clicked on this article with innocent intentions. “Maybe Olivia is going to write about why she is atrociously single, because she is,” or, “Maybe she’s going to do that thing where she clickbaits us so that she can write a joke.”
You told yourself these things, but perhaps you have the same question I have: Why is everyone so gosh darn single in college?
It’s easy to feel down on yourself because of this very question. If no one is knocking down your door to woo you, it seems as though you have failed. A lot of things, from children’s books to trash television, have taught us that our worth is defined by those who want to share in our narrative. I don’t agree with it, but it seems that dating is very, very important, and we ought to put a lot of energy into it — but us 2018 college kids kind of don’t.
If you think about it, dating has never been more accessible. We have apps specially designed for us to avoid confrontation with those we like and, with cell phones at our fingertips in general, there is no reason we can’t converse with people who have absolutely contrasting schedules with our own. Yet, in spite of all of this, I read post after post about how people are so sad that they don’t have a human to hold their sweaty palms in mid-April Davis heat.
Why are you sad? Let’s back this up a couple decades.
Long, long ago, the expectation on women was that they would go to college, study, maintain a beauty standard, and then, while doing all this, nab a husband whom she would hold till death do they part. That was an expectation. People who didn’t at least have a prospective boo-thang in college seemed out of the loop or might be labeled as late-bloomers, and these bloomers could refer to plants or underwear. I’ve never been totally sure.
Nowadays, this is not at all the attitude. Women can go study what they’re passionate about and chase far more fun goals like writing for a bunch of publications or starting an organization that affects change in the community. Because we don’t calculate this time spent doing big, bold things, college can seem like a loveless lie. What about what I dreamed college would be like in high school? I should have bumped into the love of my life while moving into my dorm! I should have been serenaded by a man from an a capella group! I should have gone undercover with my best friend and infiltrated the art-scene of my university with crappy slam poems!
No, those are all plots to movies that I have seen. Life isn’t a movie. You’re not going to walk into your first quarter freshman year and lock eyes with a stranger across the classroom, feeling the same thing at once. Well, maybe you will, but that certainly should not be the standard that you hold yourself to.
I’ll give it to you straight, kid: In these formative years of your life, you have every opportunity within your grasp. You can learn new things, try new things, create new things, eat new things, reject old things, grow past old things, and build a whole new world around you. Your worth is not at all – not even slightly – based on your relationship status on Facebook or whose initials you have in your Instagram bio (if you’re some new-aged peeps).
Why am I atrociously single in college? Well, personally, I straight up don’t care enough. I don’t have a firm “no” set in place for anyone, but I’m certainly not making any form of effort to put myself out there in a serious way. I know in my heart that downloading and deleting Tinder doesn’t count as “trying.” I suppose I could be on a date right now, but I’m having a lot more fun writing this article, truly. So that’s me… who are you?
College is about priorities. If your priorities are friends, put your time there. If your priority is maintaining the highest GPA you possibly can, feed your minutes into that meter. If you desperately want another human to be with, you should do that. Just don’t doubt your worth when the stars don’t align for you to have it all.
This is college, not High School Musical.