Whether it’s from a stranger, a friend, a relative, or yes, even a TA, there’s a lot of things you get told, simply because you’re a member of the female sex. Here are some of the ones that annoy me the most!
1. We’re going to start off with what is probably my least favorite phrase: “Smile!” or “You should smile more often.”
I can’t tell you the amount of times people have told me this, and it’s actually not all men either. I’ve been told by a female TA, while taking attendance, “You should smile more; you kind of scare me sometimes.” Which first of all, I am not here because I love hanging out in the Chem Annex; I am here because I have a mandatory section on a Friday at 9 a.m.
If I have don’t have a reason to smile, I’m not walking around like a dumbass smiling to make you feel more comfortable. If you can’t handle my resting bitch face, don’t try to approach me!
2. “You look tired.”
I once had a complete stranger (a man surprise, surprise) come up to me while buying dinner at Safeway and say “You look really tired.”
Because if there’s one thing a woman loves, it’s feeling exhausted after a long day of work and then being insulted by a stranger invading her privacy in a freaking grocery store.
3. “You look better without makeup.”
Honestly, boys, if any of you are reading this, I know that the intention is mostly well placed on this one, but trust me — it doesn’t feel that way.
While it is aimed at flattery meaning, “You’re naturally beautiful,” it kind of comes across in a bad way. If you’re really trying to appreciate you significant other, or loved one, try telling them, “I think you look beautiful either way,” instead.
The fact of the matter is my value, or beauty, should not increase or decrease depending on what I do or don’t choose to put on my face.
4. As long as we’re on the subject, any comment or action that shows judgment based on my body.
My least favorite thing, that actually a lot of friends and family have always made comments on as early as age 10, was whether or not something was low cut or emphasized my chest.
For me, I’ve always been heavy-chested, and it’s something I’ve struggled to love myself for and not feel ashamed of. Friends would tell me, “Your boobs look great in that!” or “Your boobs look huge today.”
I kid you not, it seems a little ridiculous right? Why do you think it’s okay to sexualize someone’s body when they’re literally just wearing a basic v-neck?
This is something that I’ve kind of regained ownership over, but was honestly bullied for a long time about throughout middle school and high school and while people mostly mean it as a compliment, I just feel like someone’s body is private and discussing it casually without really knowing how they feel about it is rude.
5. “You’re pretty.”
This isn’t to say that I don’t appreciate the compliment when the context makes sense. However, I really don’t find it flattering when I’m just trying to go to the bank or run an errand, and I’m hit on in public. It honestly just confuses me when men think it’s okay or flattering to hit on a total stranger in a public space without any context.
I also really hate the trope that if you decline their offer or are unappreciative that you’re immediately labeled as a bitch. I should be able to decline your request to communicate without having to say, “I have a boyfriend.”
I have the right to not want to talk to you, simply because I don’t feel comfortable or because I just don’t like you!
Overall, I know I am not alone in my dislike of these conversation topics because they happen to most womxn all the time. Whatever your gender, try to think about these when you talk to the womxn in your life!