Disclaimer: Since all of these lovely ladies can sing, let it be assumed they all dominate karaoke night at Froggy’s or G Street’s Wunderbar. And now, our feature-length presentation…
Cinderella
After the death of her parents, Cinderella withdrew socially and focused on her studies to distract herself from the reality of her home life. She developed an incredible work ethic and a knack for befriending all sorts of animals (because animals can’t emotionally abuse you the way evil step-sisters can). These skills led to her acceptance into the UC Davis Veterinary Program, the best one in the country, might I add. She was consistently spotted in the quad studying, surrounded by birds and squirrels that weren’t just there to steal her food. For a while there was a rumor around campus that she was a squirrel-whisperer. But instead of spending her Wednesday nights at Wunderbar, she was in her apartment cleaning up after her messy roommates and preparing for her 7 AM lab.
The only time she was ever spotted out after dark was when she snuck into a formal, got drunk enough to lose her shoes, and charmed the pants off the fraternity’s president. He flyered in the quad for weeks, asking students if they remembered the girl in the Louboutins (which were totally Forever 21 knockoffs). He never found out that the reason she took off that night was to check on the bacteria growing in her petri dishes.
Snow White
Snow White entered college as a doe-eyed freshman. Her kind-hearted naiveté was frequently preyed upon by jealous upperclasswomen, who were not happy about her quick rise to campus fame as “the fairest of them all.” One hag even went so far as to trick Snow into eating a poisoned apple breakfast bar, that she claimed was a weird Swedish nutrition bar her mom used to lose weight. After that, she had a very difficult time trusting women. Needless to say, Snow stewed in a lot of girl-hate and internalized misogyny, saying things like, “I don’t really get along with girls, I’m basically just one of the guys!” Although Snow White never pledged a sorority, she was quite involved in Greek Life. She spent most of her time at the fraternities, playing flip cup and dancing with her dopey, sleepy, happy bros while waiting for her Prince to show up.
When not hanging out at the frat house, Snow transferred her sweet and delicate nature nto a keen knack for baking and decorating cupcakes at Let Them Eat Cake. She also spent a large amount of time in the lab, graduating with a degree in Genetics. After a lot of wishing and tossing pennies into the Voorhies fountain, she was accepted into the Cell and Developmental Biology graduate program, where she intensely studied dwarfism-related medical conditions.
Belle
Shield’s Library was like an enchanted castle to Belle. She spent so many hours locked in the grad student cages, devouring book after book (as all English majors do), that things would get a little… weird. Belle would often talk to the desk lamps, outlets, and sculptures during her all night study sessions, but her favorite inanimate objects (excuse me, “friends”) were the eggheads located outside the library’s entrance. She flew a bit under the radar on campus- she wasn’t involved in any clubs or organizations, but would show up to Poetry Night at the Natsoulas Gallery on Thursdays to hear some of her favorite professors and local poets read their work. Most students knew of her because of her father, who would demo his latest inventions at the MU; he was a bit nutty, but was nowhere near as intense as Crazy Joe. When not at Shields, Belle spent the majority of her time at Voorhies holding and attending office hours. More interested in getting an A than getting the D, she turned down some of the school’s top athletes.
Pocahontas
This natural beauty’s path in life was pretty clear: to preserve the environment and create a more sustainable future for our planet. Pocahontas studied Wildlife, Fish and Conservation Biology and went on to pursue a PHD in Forest Biology. She was heavily involved with the UC Natural Reserve System in addition to working for the John Muir Institute of the Environment, taking part in the Environmental Leaders Program. Her brilliant work lead to exercised laws against overfishing and water pollution. When she wasn’t explaining why the wolf cries to the blue corn moon, she was shopping at the Davis Co-Op or selling her handmade natural soaps at the Davis Farmer’s Market. The Arboretum is without a doubt her favorite place on campus- she would always run barefoot through the trails, stopping to pet horses at the Barn. After a long day of trying to save the environment, Pocahontas would wind down with meditation at The Domes, where she happily lived with a community of like-minded people.
Ariel
As the star of The Spokes and the daughter of campus legend, Professor Triton, Ariel had it made at UCD… but there was a world outside Davis that she desperately wished to see.
She packed her bags for Europe, where she spent a year exploring, partying, and occasionally studying. When she came back, Ariel became that one friend who never shuts up about her travel experiences. She would read off menus at Italian restaurants in a bad accent, or ask to speak to the head chef because the food was “inauthentic.” It got so bad that one of her A Capella members, Ursula, pushed her down the biggest flight of stairs at the Death Star, a la Elizabeth Berkley in Showgirls. She suffered a brain injury and developed aphasia, losing her ability to speak. Shocked by the reality of her new life, she took up swimming at the Rec Pool, and would spend hours swimming laps. Ariel had to completely change her area of study, so she decided to do something that didn’t require much talking: Dance.
Her fluidity in the pool transferred beautifully into her movement on the floor, and became a role model for students with disabilities on campus. Soon after, she decided to learn American Sign Language through Sacramento City College’s Extension, and got a job tutoring hearing-impaired students.
Aurora
Aurora had a bit of an unusual upbringing. Her three “aunts” raised her in a small cottage in the forest, where she aimlessly roamed, daydreaming about what it would be like to actually have some male interaction.
Just days before she left for UC Davis, she snuck into her aunts’ sewing room, which was always locked. She never understood why she wasn’t allowed in there, especially when she loved designing clothes just as much as her aunts did. Underneath the spinning wheel, she found an alluring and strange green plant.
Although she had no idea what it was, she stashed it in her bag and headed off to Davis. After her first few weeks at school, she rushed a sorority and got a bid. Aurora was in awe with all the things her sisters taught her! Things like nail polish and vodka were her new favorite things, and her sisters loved how she was so proficient at crafting. One night, her Big showed her the same strange green plant she found in her aunts’ sewing kit. After that night, Aurora was always very sleepy. She would show up to class (sometimes) with CoHo pizza (always), and would be out like a light after the first twenty minutes of her lecture. Her first quarter didn’t end so well, so she learned to schedule all her philosophy classes after 12 PM to prevent academic meltdowns.
Jasmine
After countless AP exams in high school, Jasmine was accepted into the Pre-Med Program at UC Davis at the suggestion of her parents. While she loved helping others, she hated her courses. She frequently fought with her father about her desire to switch majors, but he insisted that she become a doctor. However, Jasmine made a new friend named Aladdin, who was a Women & Gender Studies major. Jasmine was convinced she had to create change in society, so she switched her major to Political Science. Although her family was upset at first, she was elected as the ASUCD president where she implemented just and fair school policies that catered to the needs of students while keeping UCD as one of the most sustainable universities in the country. She volunteered for nearly every Davis non-profit organization, spent time working at The Pantry, and planned fundraisers for Camp Kesem. Jasmine’s giving spirit was contagious, and caused a growth in student-community involvement. Thanks to her fat tabby cat Raja, she always had a way to decompress after a long day.
She worked so hard for the well-being of others, that it only made sense that she loved to play hard. Jasmine could always be found at Bistro on Mojito Night with at least three hopeless dudebros fighting over who got to buy her next drink. She didn’t like that too much…
Stay tuned for more princesses!