To say I was a mess after my first break-up would be an understatement. I was not a mess. Rather, I was a monstrosity. Driving home from his house that fateful September night, I looked like a woman on the brink of insanity- my face was white as a sheet, teems of tears streamed down my cheeks, and I’m almost certain fumes puffed from my ears. I was furious, humiliated, horrified, and miserable all in one and I was happy to find refuge in my Queen-size bed that evening. Sleep never seemed so glorious until the next morning; to my horror and disbelief (gasp), I woke up. The next day was almost worse than the night before. That lingering feeling of fresh-out-of-the-oven sadness balled up in my chest the moment I opened my eyes and I knew it wouldn’t leave me for months. I tried everything from taking a hot bath (like they advise on all those teen relationship websites) to resorting to good ol’ retail therapy and to my horror nothing worked. It was time I faced it- I was heartbroken. And bubble baths and $30 Free People bandeaus were not going to cure my disease. I spent several weeks secluded in my room, reading Romeo and Juliet for the ump-teenth time, listening to depressing love songs and staring at old pictures of my ex. It finally came to the point where my mom stormed into my room, ripped the old prom photos out of my hands, and knocked these key points into my head.
1. Allow Yourself to Grieve.
Weeping for days on end doesn’t feel good, but pretending like nothing is wrong isn’t healthy either. By stuffing it all inside and locking yourself up you’ll only turn into a ticking time bomb ready to explode. Take time to sit in sadness and feel your loss- it won’t be easy but it’s healthier than pretending everything is alright.
2. Rally a Support Team
Lovers will come and go, but family and friends are there to stay. Open up to your friends I can guarantee they can relate with their own break-up stories. Try talking to your parents about it (hey, they’ve had break-ups just like you). By breaking up you may have lost a best friend, but just look at the group of supporters who have been rooting for you since Day One.
3. Take Time
I know so many girls who expect to still be friends with their ex’s the week after they break up. I will admit, I even fell into this lofty dream when I called up my ex the day after (I know, I know, how embarrassing). Don’t expect to be friends for a while after the break up. Months, maybe even a year…just give it time.
4. Live Your Own Life
You need to run in the opposite direction of him as fast as you can. He could either turn and run so he catches up to you, or he could run away in his own direction. Instead of waiting around for his phone call, get up and do something, anything. Something to get your mind off him even if only for a while.
I won’t deny it- listening to my mom’s advice was hard. But now that it’s been a while, it’s been a little easier to get up on my feet and go about my day. I’ve been able to grow accustomed to not having “him” in my life. It’s not easy, but if I take one step at a time it can only get better from here.