You met. There were sparks. You dated. It was bliss. He was an a**hole. You broke up. You are so much better without him! Looking back on the relationship (especially on how immature he was when it ended) you realize that you have no desire to get back together with your ex. But, what happens when you see him around on campus? Or downtown? Your rational emotions don’t always win. Sometimes, especially when alcohol is involved, your catty emotions get the best of you.
You have moved on from the ex and are happily living your life as a single college gal: taking advantage of going out on dates, feeling free, and dressing slightly risque for Halloween without any pang of guilt.
Everything is fine and dandy until you see your ex out and about. You are not a complete b***h, but you do not feel the need to go have a conversation with him. I mean, really, what’s the point? You don’t want to know how he’s doing. You don’t want him to know how you’re doing or what you’re up to. So, why pretend? As long as you can still have a fun night out with your girls (and maybe a different guy), there’s nothing wrong with that.
However, what if his presence ruins your night? What if you get upset over it? You thought you were over it, you thought you didn’t care, but now you see that you may have been wrong about that. Does being upset mean you still want to be with him? Let me make this perfectly clear: NO! Being upset when seeing your ex for the first time is perfectly normal, and even expected. As much as it sucks that you gave him the power to ruin your night, it does not mean that you gave him all of the power. It is unhealthy to keep your emotions bottled up. Moving on does not mean that you gave up all feelings. The kid (yes, he is a kid) did not treat you right. He hurt you. And more often than not, he knows he messed up. Do not let the fact that his presence made you upset make you even more upset at yourself! Allow yourself to feel hurt, allow yourself to be annoyed, and allow yourself to heal.
Now what? You’ve allowed yourself to be upset for yet another night (or two), but where do you go from here? Allowing yourself to be upset does not mean that you should dwell on it for eternity. You need to give yourself a break, but then you need to pick yourself back up. After your first encounter, you know how he will act a second time around. Will he try to hang out and talk to you all night? Will he awkwardly watch you talking to guys? Will he try to ignore you as much as you try to ignore him? However he chooses to behave, you are now equipped with how to deal with it. The thing that people fear most is the unknown. Lucky for you, you know exactly what to expect! This means that you can handle any future situations in a calm, cool, and collected manner. Next time you run into each other, he will see a confident, rational, and emotionally-steady you.Translation: he gets to see the girl he fell for and will have to kick himself for letting you go.
Moral of the story: don’t beat yourself up for your initial reaction to seeing your ex. Take that encounter, learn from it, and prepare to be the dazzling ex-girlfriend he will never forget. Good luck, collegiettesTM!