As if college didn’t have enough stresses, let’s add romance to the game. Joan Hollinger, a Legal Studies professor at UC Berkeley said that there are two things that keep a student up at night–tests and heartbreak. She said, “[In college], falling in and out of love is just as common as staying up for a paper.” While romance differs from sex, since love and lust could be considered two different things, sex might also be something on students’ minds. Since for some, sex is a source of stress and/or an outlet to relieve stress.
We already know that UC Berkeley’s academia is demanding. If you’re juggling a full-time course load, clarifying questions in office hours, following your heart in internships, makin’ money during part-time jobs, socializing in student organizations, or DeCal, etc. etc., the last thing most students want to do is add a relationship to their busy lifestyle. You gotta get your shit done and graduate. When figuring out your relationship needs, adding any type of relationship to your schedule could act as a liability when pursuing your academic goals because your mind becomes occupied by relationship-type commitments. Any relationship, be it casual, monogamous, polyamorous, or non -existent, could add 5 extra units to your schedule. The emotional baggage, expectations, insecurity, vulnerability–It seems that a relationship with less commitment might be more beneficial for a busy college student. For example, a friends-with-benefits (FWB) type relationship is cool. You’ll be friends, have lotsa sex, and not have too much emotional commitment. But maybe a monogamous relationship might be more beneficial for you. It’s just you two. Trust and emotional support is there. Maybe some sex. It’s good and dandy. And when it’s good, it’s real good. But when it’s bad.. well, it’s bad.
In any type of relationship (self, friendship, casual, sexual, romantic, etc.) communication is extremely important in maintaining a healthy relationship. Be honest and discuss boundaries of your relationship so that you could reduce the stress from your life. Relationships are supposed to be fun and relieve stress! I think that the best way to figure out what kind of relationship suits you and your lifestyle is to really get to know yourself. If you know what YOU want, then there is less room for stress and messiness. You make the rules, you find a partner(s). Take some time to love yourself. Do things you like, and do things that make you feel good. 20’s are a perfect time to be selfish. Figure out your deal breakers and stick to your standards. After that, the right guy or gal who suits your lifestyle will fit like a glove regardless of if it is a monogamous relationship, polyamorous relationship, FWB, f*uck buddies, just friends, etc. That way, you can get your shit done, and give/get what you want/need from relationships.
In a heterosexual Judeo-Christian society, it seems that having a “boyfriend” is the key to happiness. But you can also love yourself and cater to your needs, no man (or woman) needed, other than yourself. There are different types of relationships to express different people’s needs and desires, and no type of relationship is better, more significant, or worse than the other. What makes you happy, makes you happy.
Human sexuality is diverse and unique to each individual. I think if you have a healthy form of communication with yourself, and between you and your partner(s), then any type of relationship (including or excluding sex) will be a source of happiness and alleviate stress for your Fall semester.
-Daysha Sue