Classes have already come to an end; exams are nearly over. Term 2 is wrapping up nicely, and the taste of summer and freedom leaves students wanting more; they’re eager to finish studying and get outside to hit the beach with a nice cold beer and finally enjoy what Vancouver has to offer. But, as the term closes, it is now a good opportunity to also do some reflection: how the year went, what you need to improve on, and, especially, how some of your friendships are faring. Now is the time to ask yourself whether or not some friendships need changing.
From personal experience, the biggest change in friendships happened over the course of first year. First year is a crazy mess; for many, it is their first time branching out from home and from our secure bubble. The friendships created in first year can last, but most change due to differences in growth and maturity levels. Here’s how to judge whether or not to branch into a new friend group for second year, or keep the friendships around:
Scenario: You have just left Vancouver to go back to your hometown. Over the summer your current friends have either:
A) Messaged you since the day you landed back in your hometown on Facebook, Whatsapp and Instagram, making sure you’re still alive and kicking and not getting into too much trouble without them.
B) Messaged you infrequently, about once every couple of weeks, checking in on how your summer has been going and updating you about theirs.
C) Hasn’t messaged you at all, but they’ve commented on your Facebook posts and statuses, Instagram photos, showing some meager interest.
D) Have not attempted to communicate with you at all, but you can tell is alive by their Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat activity.
For those who answered either A or B, those friendships are definitely worth keeping around. Obviously the connection you all have made is a relationship they want to continue on with in second year. Let’s just hope there are no crazy cat-fights or disagreements between bros to deter from the friendship! Those who chose either C or D, well, you can rethink that relationship. Recall how your friendship has grown (or not) over the past year, and be satisfied that next year, you may just run into them in class or on campus or at a party and not actually hang out 24/7 like you did in first year.
Who should first years turn to when they want to make new friends? Well, for starters, your classes will always at least one person that you have similar interests with. But, do some more exploring. Check out different club meetings and attend events you never imagined checking out (Undie Run anyone?). You get to experience something new, and maybe you’ll meet some cool people along the way!
You could meet so many interesting people.
Now here comes second year: the responsibilities have grown immensely, and now is the time students begin to realize that they’re almost halfway through with their college career and actually have to buckle down and work hard. But, with that being said, it is an easier time to branch out into different friend groups if you’re unsatisfied with your current group: many students haven’t quite found their niche yet, giving you plenty of opportunity to see people in a different light. Not sure if you should branch out? Check this out:
Think back to the beginning of Term 2, Year 2 – it wasn’t that long ago! What did your friends encourage you to do more over the semester?
A) Study in Irving K. Barber every single day. No exceptions. Except to hit the gym whenever you both could make time.
B) Go see that DJ play a set at Shine downtown; hit up Celebrities EVERY Tuesday; skip your morning class to smoke in the Rose Garden; study for about an hour before you both gave up and went to Dentry’s for a pint… or three.
C) A little a bit of A and B (but more of A!)
The best choice here would be C; that depends on who you are though. If you care mainly about studying and managing perfect grades, obviously you would want friends who encourage choice A. But realistically, you want friends that you can have fun with who also encourage good academic behavior. If you had friends who were 100% choice B, you definitely should consider cutting back on those relationships. While it’s great to have fun and enjoy yourself, you also need to get things done, and those friends won’t help you in that department.
Not a book in sight.
If you’re finding yourself with more party friends or friends who are too negative for your vibe, look for new ones—people who actually show up—in your most interesting, or relevant classes (major requirements, etc.). It’s a perfect combination: You have similar interests, and after you all have a major study sesh, you can kick it in the SUB and plan a later hangout. It’s not to say that you give up on your older party friends entirely: you should never burn your bridges. However, it’s always okay to give yourself some distance until you’ve found several different circles that you’re comfortable in, instead of only sticking to one.
It doesn’t have to come to this.
Third and fourth year: There’s a reason these two are combined. After second year, most students have found their friend group. Yes, they branch out and make “class friends”—friends you talk to, but only see in class—but for the most part, they have already found the right people to surround themselves with. However, there could always be falling outs or miscommunications that push you two away from each other. If this is the case, attend different social gatherings of your friends friend: that way you know at least one person to converse with if the party sucks, but you can still talk and mingle and find new, cool, interesting people.
Of course, it is up to you whether or not you keep your current friendships around, or if you’re comfortable enough branching out. It is important, though, to remember to surround yourself with people that you know have your best interest at heart and are positive influences in your life. Sure, there will be disagreements between you two, even fights that blow out of proportion. But if your friendship is solid, people are able to get past those hiccups. University is really the last chance students have to make friendships before stepping out into the ‘real’ world, so think wisely about who’s in your crew, and make sure to make some time (not all your time) for your friends!