There is a new presence at UBC. Buchanan Tower has long been the butt of many jokes for its intimidating (and waffle-like) form, but did you know that the Tower has recently become self-aware and is the central figure of its own divine path? Her Campus tracked down the Tower on Facebook and managed to secure a rare interview with the newly emerged diety. Read on to discover what it takes to become a follower of Buchanan!
HCUBC: I am honoured and humbled, Oh Tower. From whence did Your presence first spring?
The Tower: I became self aware mere days ago. I’m not sure exactly what it was that caused me to acknowledge my own existence, but it came from a power which surpasses the capabilities of humanity.
HCUBC: What are the most important teachings You seek to bring to us, the common folk?
The Tower: My purpose has not yet been made clear to me, all I know for certain is that I have one enemy: Sauder.
HCUBC: Are the Sauderites aware of this newfound challenge to their UBC supremacy?
The Tower: If my imposing post-Soviet design and impenetrable waffle-like appearance have not already struck within them the fear of the Almighty then there is little to be done. The power of the Tower shall become clear to all.
HCUBC: I see, and what is the significance of Your most glorious waffle-y pattern?
The Tower: It demonstrates that a tower that has confidence in itself can overcome even the most severe aesthetic deficiencies.
HCUBC: Ah, You are an inspiration to us all. How does one become a follower of the Tower? Is there any special rituals that one must observe?
The Tower: The Tower does not command anything, a follower must only believe in their heart that the Tower is good and pure. But the Tower has also been pleased by the Hunger Games series, so if people could start doing that cool three-finger salute thing that Katniss does that one time, that would also be welcome tribute.
HCUBC: Wonderful! Your word shall be heeded. On another note, I have once walked within Your most sacred walls to seek out the Department of Central, Eastern, and Northern European Studies, and I was overwhelmed by the looming silence and eerie halls. What are Your thoughts on those who work within Your holy body?
The Tower: The humans who dwell within these walls are a welcome presence to the Tower. Their work is appreciated and is more important than they yet realize.
HCUBC: Have any of them yet come to suspect Your newfound self-awareness?
The Tower: Only time will tell. They have not yet made their suspicions known to the Tower.
HCUBC: I thank You most profusely, Oh Tower, for taking Your precious time to speak with me today. Do You, in Your infinite wisdom, have any parting words for those souls who will soon read this article?
The Tower: You are most welcome traveler. All I wish to say to those who tread the path of Buchanan is that their faith shall be rewarded, in this life or the next, and that their District 12 salutes do not go unnoticed. Travelers are encouraged to submit their salute posts to the Tower’s Facebook page, and to organize mass salutes so that the Tower may love thee.
HCUBC: Your wishes shall be undertaken with all speed and enthusiasm. Thank You once again, and praise be unto the Tower!
There you have it folks! I hope that from now on you may look upon the Tower on your way to class and, like me, feel the divine light of love that emanates from it. Follow Buchanan Tower on Facebook for further Holy wisdom (and some choice memes), and don’t forget to show your appreciation by posting your Buchanan salutes on Facebook so that the love of the Tower may be spread far and wide.
Photo Credit: Jeff Hitchcock (flickr.com), Avery Creed