Nervous giggles, a flushed face, clammy hands, a rapidly increasing heart rate, and “butterflies in your stomach”—does any of this sound familiar?
If not, I think it’s time to take a trip down memory lane.
For some of us, remembering our childhood is not exactly a walk in the park. Let’s be honest, for the majority of people over the age of 18, middle school was an uncomfortable and embarrassing time in our lives. Oh, don’t even try to disagree because you and I both know that not everyone was as blessed with being an early-bloomer in the physical development department. I can guarantee that most of us, myself included, were downright awkward. I’m talking about really A-W-K-W-A-R-D.
Even in the midst of unflattering haircuts, irritating braces and unwanted boners, some of us found ourselves in an intriguing yet foreign world—one that had neither been discovered nor entered before. I’m talking about middle school relationships—aka “puppy love”.
Middle school dating was an exciting experience for those who participated, and entertaining for those who observed the madness. It was fun, eye-opening, and in the moment, a risk worth taking. Granted, most of us were probably not mature enough for a “relationship,” but it was something that was highly discussed, especially with my particular group of friends.
“Do you want a boyfriend?”
“Should I ask him if he likes you?”
“Are you going to say yes, if he asks you to be his girlfriend?”
“You have to make it Facebook official. If it’s not Facebook official, it’s not real.”
The desire to turn a crush into a boyfriend was popular. Perhaps it was my particular generation or the people at my school, but the thirst for a relationship was real. But like most pure and innocent things in life, it didn’t last for very long.
Somewhere between middle school dances and high school prom, things began to change. Relationships, although common, became less appealing. It’s no exaggeration that many high school relationships involve the introduction and exploration of sexual intercourse, foreplay and the like. Some couples were not as educated or as responsible as others, but nonetheless, sex became increasingly prevalent in the world that was high school.
The concept of “friends with benefits” became more common and intriguing, but because most of us lived with our parents, it wasn’t as easy to explore or pursue. Despite the constant conversations about sex, casual sex itself was still considered scandalous, and a taboo. But what better place would there be of pursuing this type of relationship than at university?
University is where I learned that casual sex and having multiple sex partners was the norm. Most students are overwhelmed with balancing school, a part-time job, and a social life that there is hardly any time to invest in a relationship. That’s not to say that everyone on campus is looking for casual sex and a “no strings attached” type of relationship, but I believe there are more people seeking casual encounters than there are who want a significant other.
Life as a university student is emotionally, physically and mentally draining. It’s difficult. So naturally, with the raging hormones, many choose to experience the intimacy of a relationship without the commitment and responsibilities. This is especially true if you decide to enter the party scene. Depending on which university you attend, there may or may not be fraternities and sororities; but let me clear on one thing pertaining to “frat parties,” it is an environment for lots and lots of hookups.
Some of us are not wired to find satisfaction in casual sex, or polyamorous lifestyle. There is nothing wrong with being polyamorous, in fact, I have a lot of respect for those individuals. They are more than comfortable with the idea of their partners seeing other people; they don’t expect exclusivity from their partners. It works for them because they know this part of themselves well enough to handle the situation properly.
It’s alright to want exclusivity and a monogamous relationship; but don’t lie to yourself and continue with casual sex if you know it will do more bad than good. Get real with yourself and your peers—be selfish when it comes to your emotional wellbeing and happiness. Don’t follow the trend and social norm that is casual sexual relationships in university.
As for myself, I enjoy hooking up with random guys and not ever knowing who they are as an individual. I would rather share one meaningless night with a random guy at a party than become involved in a monogamous relationship. You could probably go as far as saying that my participation in the university hookup scene has made me emotionally unavailable and repellent of romantic emotions. But that’s another story for another time. For now, I find enough satisfaction from casual hookups because I purposely pick out the guys who won’t ask for more than the one night. It works for me but I know that it doesn’t work for every girl.
So, be brutally honest with yourself and take some time to reflect because in all honesty, you’re always going to have a lineup of guys who will be more than willing to show you a good time for one reckless night. But if that’s not what you want, then don’t waste your breath. No amount of attention and praise expressed by attractive university boys will ever satisfy your emotional and physical needs if you don’t know exactly what you want. Trust me on this one.
Image Sources:
http://www.gifbay.com/gif/seeing_an_ex_that_you_just_got_over-12822/
http://www.quickmeme.com/img/48/481b255c9734e8dc550a9d108068816cd2e58451…
http://emykinneys.tumblr.com/post/6392663648/mila-kunis
http://i.giphy.com/X8RiLGTiPaMRa.gif
https://33.media.tumblr.com/345618eb5b7d91d78cbbc3529cfbc7ba/tumblr_inli…