Edited by: Carol Eugene Park
At the end of my first year of university, I finally acknowledged that my life was an absolute mess.
Some people have this perception that you’ve got your life figured out once you’re in university. You’re another step closer to adulthood! You’re living on your own showing you’re fully capable of taking care of yourself! You’re responsible for how you manage your time! etc. etc. You go, adult!
Although this concept does apply to some people, it also does not apply to others— and by others, I am referring to myself.
By the end of my freshman year, my anxiety reached levels it never has before. I had trouble sleeping due to the constant worry of being behind in schoolwork and all the commuting, and I was more unsure about my future career than when I entered. I was constantly restless and unsure. I was the human embodiment of the phrase “internally screaming.” When my last exams ended, no words could describe the amount of relief that I felt.
When summer finally came around, I had some free time on my hands—free space on my mind away from lectures and essays. While I was expecting a chance of relaxation and nine hours of sleep, I came to a sudden realization that I actually had other thoughts and worries, albeit not school related, that I’ve been pushing back due to the busy year, that finally re-surfaced to haunt me. Thus, I was back to being a ball of angst about more personal issues.
At this point, I was tired of stressing out about stress.
I decided I would make use of the four months of summer to figuring myself out, to pick up the pieces of what once upon a time was a pretty healthy mental state and try and build it back together (this process takes some time, as I am still working on it even to this day).
My goal was to be at peace with myself mentally, even if it is only a bit of improvement.
So I ventured into meditation. I was a little iffy about trying it, I must admit as I’m not a patient person and I get easily distracted. To imagine sitting somewhere, simply taking deep breaths for a couple of minutes seemed a little odd but I decided to give it a go. I didn’t exactly know where to start, so I downloaded a guided meditation app called Headspace to show me how it really works. The first few tries were a little awkward, as I kept changing my sitting position and my mind was constantly going back to my worries. But I learned that it’s alright for you to do so. We just can’t help it sometimes. Acknowledging that you have these troubles is fine when meditating, as long as you don’t react to it, and you return your focus on your breathing.
Initially, I wasn’t sure if it was going to make a big difference but I started noticing things. I was a little less irate; I was calmer. I didn’t want to rip someone’s head off when they spoke to me early in the morning. I was more focused when doing work. When I wasn’t able to meditate, it was like how I was before I tried it: agitated and short-tempered. It became implemented into my daily routine.
Aside from meditating, I also started writing on the Happiness Planner. While it lets you schedule your day, it prompts the owner to reflect on a series of questions that are brief but impactful before beginning. It asks questions like, “What qualities or habits would you like to improve?” or “Who would you like to see more often?” Questions that perhaps you have never really thought about but are nonetheless, helpful in order to learn more about yourself as a person. These were questions that made me realize some of my friendships are better off as not, that I actually think a lot more negatively about myself than I’d like, that I should be more grateful for the blessings I have in my life. I had epiphanies from trying to come up with answers for this planner.
Another resource that aided in trying to connect my messy mind back with my body was hearing other people’s thoughts. This might seem a little tricky but if you search for the right people, you might hear something that speaks volumes to you.
As cliche as this sounds, talking to people helps a great deal. I was always much more of a listener in conversations. I used to have this mindset that it’s better for me not to say anything even when I’m struggling because I didn’t want to be a burden to the other. But the more you keep it in, it’ll accumulate and BOOM! You’re having a breakdown.
As weird as it sounds, I started being more open with my close friends. Not only was I listening to their worries, but I was able to share mine. I didn’t know until that moment how much of a weight has been removed from my shoulders. It also made me closer to my friends than ever before. Knowing you have a support system during the hard times who you can talk to will lighten up the heavy burden on your mental state.
A major helper in improving my mental state is shockingly, the Internet. Like with friends, if you find the right platforms, it will make a huge difference.
As I was perusing through my Google search of “uplifting, meaningful websites” or “sites that make you reflect on how you’ve lived so far” or something of that nature, I stumbled upon Zen Habits. With its minimalist template and simple design, it doesn’t seem particularly eye-catching but the content itself is brilliant.
Zen Habits discusses a variety of topics from “The Secrets to Interpersonal Happiness,” “4 Keys to Learning Anything,” to one of my favorites, “The Destructive Habit of Evaluating Everything We Do.” It reminds us to not live your life mindlessly but with meaning. It gives suggestions on how to live a more fulfilling life, to alter the way we think. It’s definitely brought a lot of my perspectives into place. Whenever I have time, I try to read more posts when I can.
The last tip that has helped in getting my Zen back to place is by finding a hobby and sticking to it. During the summer, I found myself making a short video collage of my day. When I felt like I was being reeled back into the black hole of stress, I would take my phone out and film little or big things about my day and compile them into one video. I’d watch and tell myself, “I saw a lot of beautiful things today,” “I’m glad I got to spend time with my friends.” Not only did it help me concentrate on simply being grateful, but it also was a way for me to release all the tension away.
In university (or life in general) where it’s always hustling, it’s important to take a step back and take a look at our well-being. It is important to take some time to yourself. I like to think that the summer has given me a chance to get my head back on track but there’s definitely a long way to go. Your mind and well-being aren’t static but flexible; it can improve if you decide to do something about it. Although these suggestions are subjective, I hope that someway, somehow, they can be helpful to you as they were to me.
Visit Patricia’s Baby Zen video to watch her day of meditation.