As described in Reconnecting Love and Sex in 2015: Part 1, the way we date, love, get horny, and have sex, has changed so much in the past few years. We’ve tackled ways in which technology has creeped into our sex lives, through virtual reality porn and teledilonics. Now, what about the way we go about meeting people? How have our relationships changed?
I’m talking about online dating and non-monogamy. How many couples do you meet nowadays that met online? What do these developments mean for how we perceive each other or the value we place on relationships? The evolution of sex has hit a peak in 2015.
Online Dating
Where would the technologization of love be today without online dating? Within the dating world, our generation has witnessed the evolution of online dating. Within a few years, we’ve moved from desktop computer style “OkCupid” or “Plenty of Fish”, to smartphone “Tinder” and new French app “Happn”. The platforms are getting more and more efficient, much like everything else in our society.
The capitalist world is obsessed with the concept of progress, and now we are seeing capitalism creep further into the way we date. No longer is waiting around for a “good” guy or girl enough. We want a multitude of choices at our fingertips, literally.
A recent experiment put several young people on Tinder for the first time and observed them to see if using the app would make them feel more or less optimistic about their love lives. After fifteen minutes and several matches later, the participants felt assured that they were conventionally attractive and flirty and friendly enough for the Tinder world. The consensus was that people generally felt more optimistic about their love life because they felt that there were more potential lovers out there for them.
But what about the separation of virtual and real life? For those of us who have used Tinder, that step can be the hardest part. How many people out of all your matches do you actually meet up with?
Fifteen minutes on Tinder reflects how dating can become a game to satisfy our rampant consumption habits and need for endless stimulation. Stay on longer than fifteen minutes and I think the optimism would fade away. Tinder has a bad track record, rarely giving much more than good stories about hilarious dates with that guy who liked to do psychedelics in his basement alone, or that guy who tied you up to his four bed posts. (For a good laugh, check out these Prince Tinders.)
Instead of expecting our next lover to be the next swipe right, shouldn’t we be turning our attention to the love we can create for ourselves? If you love yourself enough to explore the things that really interest you, like poetry readings or really great cocktails at El Camino, you might just find someone who is doing the same thing.
Dating websites and apps flatten dating. In the real world, the moments that actually make you fall in love are anything but static; they happen at midnight in a February snowstorm when you first tell someone you love them, or in the morning when you’re making pancakes and dancing to Fleetwood Mac. So much of our love is in the moment, or rather in our memories. You can’t bank on words on a screen, or good intentions. The risk is high and the return often too low.
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