Hey Holly,
I’ve been seeing this guy for a little over three months now, and I would like to bring up the topic of whether we’re actually dating or not, but I don’t know how. We’ve already said we’re committed to each other and that we really like each other, but I still don’t know if it’s okay for me to tell people that we’re explicitly together. All of our friends know that we’ve been seeing each other for a while, and he’ll bring it up that he doesn’t know what’s going on but then won’t make an effort with me to figure it out.As I said I really like him so I don’t mind waiting and I don’t need a title, but it feels somewhat discouraging that it’s been this long and we haven’t made anything official (even to each other—doesn’t need to be public).
Sincerely,Committed but confused
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Dear Committed but Confused,
If you’ve been seeing this guy for over three months, I think that this is definitely the stage in a newly budding relationship to ask where everyone stands. If you are both exclusive and only seeing each other, I don’t see why anyone should regard it as a taboo move to ask what you mean to the other person. To be completely honest, three months is a long time in the dating world. Within that time frame, memories and feelings can be easily soaked up like a sponge. From my past relationships, the best feelings actually come from the first few months where we are just starting to learn more about each other. So that being said, the first few months of seeing someone is when you learn if you want to continue the relationship or not. So, the real question right now is: do you?
I know this is an extremely overused and cliché saying, but communication really is key to a healthy relationship. If you want this to continue, I would definitely recommend setting the stage for how important communicating is for you. This early in a relationship is a perfect opportunity to do so, too. The clearer you are in telling someone else what you want will only lead to greater communication in the future. As for not being communicative with someone else, what could have been will only deteriorate as time goes on.
Let me also let you in on a secret: men are just as scared as women when it comes to taking emotional control in a relationship. However, when it really comes down to it, it’s a trait that portrays strength! If you open up to him about where you want to be in his life calmly and confidently, he will most definitely see that there is nothing to worry about and reciprocate his feelings. Make sure he’s comfortable with the chat, but most importantly, make sure you are comfortable with talking to him about this. Everything gets better with a little communication and thought sharing.
XO,
Holly
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