Three p.m. every afternoon feels like a fog poisoning my mind, and suddenly, I’m paralyzed. It’s almost like you’re trying to breathe underwater; your lungs burn, your heart is thumping, and it feels like you shoved a hundred saltine crackers in your mouth. Your throat tightens with every breath you take and the nausea sets in after you feel like your heart dropped into your stomach, and that’s when you feel the tears. This is anxiety. This is my reality and this is my everyday struggle. This pain follows you around and latches onto your shoulders and constantly gnaws at your gut rendering you hopeless. Try to imagine all the good things you’ve ever wanted knocking at your door, calling itself “life,” and just as you start to believe in its beauty, it leaves. Suddenly it gets hard to construct your future. Anxiety is a living, breathing thing: it feeds off of you and personifies your fears in such cruel ways and it debilitates your spirit. The most obscure aspect of anxiety is its bizarre path when infiltrating your life. Some days I know why I’m anxious; it’s probably that midterm I totally did not prepare for. But sometimes I genuinely don’t know why I wake up feeling like my body gave up. Let’s be honest, no one has it together. Will I occasionally get strangely attached to a pupper and cry about it? Yeah, probably. Am I gonna rage-cry if you raise your voice at me? Absolutely. Do I constantly think that all of my friends hate me? Oh my gosh, yes!
Life with a chronic anxiety disorder is a battlefield, but what is life if not messy, unpredictable and perplexing?
Here are 5 things that life with an anxiety disorder taught me:
1. Breathing is key
Take control of your breathing in 3 steps:
- Inhale and count 5 heartbeats;
- Hold and count 5 heartbeats; and
- Exhale to 5 heartbeats.
Listen to your body, and listen to the stillness of your mind. Place your hand over your heart to feel your awareness. Avert your focus to your present moment.
2. It’s totally okay to cry
I know I’m having irrational thoughts, but enunciate that ball of fear either through words or sobs. Hey girl, it feels so much better to face it personally.
3. Don’t be afraid to ask for help!
Yes, opening up to your doctor about your life and fears is awkward and it makes me want to die of embarrassment, but there’s always help available. It is not shameful to have a chat with a therapist or carry the orange pill bottle everywhere you go.
4. You are never alone
You are not alone in this fight; someone, somewhere shares your pain, which is why it’s important to surround yourself with the people you love and cherish. Don’t be afraid to talk about your struggle openly. The truth is, everyone feels this way at a certain point in life so grab a cry buddy and let’s break the stigma around mental health!
5. Laughter is a blessing
One thing I enjoy the most is making my friends laugh with my brutal humour, and honestly, it’s such a rewarding feeling to know you can make anyone happy, including yourself. Embrace those weird moments in your day and share the laughter and the positivity.
The University of Ottawa offers free on-campus help in person through SASS or the University of Ottawa Health Services (UOHS), as well as online support through eMentalHealth.ca.
Thank you to Aditee Kissoon for submitting this piece.