Many people have the same New Year’s Resolution each year— to cut down on his/her weight. I had the same resolution two years ago, and I actually achieved my goal. One of my main reasons for losing weight was to gain confidence, but unlike most other blogs about weight loss, I’m not going to tell you that I “gained so much more than my dream body.”
I think I went into weight loss with the illusion that being thinner and fitter would make me happier and more outgoing, but reality hit me hard when I reached my “goal weight” and still suffered from all the insecurities I had before, when I was 60 pounds heavier.
Weight loss is not a cure-all for low self-esteem. I cannot repeat this enough.
The truth was, I didn’t feel special when people commented on what a “great job” I did because I lost weight; I didn’t feel special when people were asking me “how I did it,” and I definitely didn’t feel special when people tried getting me to join their weight loss programs and be an “inspiration” to others. Honestly, all of these things made me more uncomfortable because I was not used to being the center of attention, and I definitely was not used to my body being objectified in this way. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed when people would notice and mention something to a friend or close family member, but when people I rarely spoke to came up to me and said “WOW!!! You look GREAT!!!” I wondered just how “bad” I must’ve looked before, and frankly, it was embarrassing.
Eventually, I learned to brush off the comments and focus on myself. I started to work out for me. I ate healthy for me. I stopped looking at the number on the scale because it didn’t truly make me happy. As I’ve gotten older, and more accustomed to my “new” body, I’ve learned to accept my body as it is: clumsy and awkward, but strong. I did not gain my “dream body” when I lost weight, I did not gain confidence, and I was not happier. These things do not come as a by-product of losing weight—they come as a by-product of finally learning to accept and genuinely love yourself, which I can finally say, at age 20, I have learned to do.
This year, my goal is to find genuine happiness each and every day, and I hope you all do the same.
Photo courtesy of gxdmtl.com.