Students have decided enough is enough, and have chosen to take a stand against sexual assault on the UMich campus. This past week, the Diag could be seen covered with messages and demands from our campus’s survivors and allies of sexual assault (a list of the demands can be found on The Michigan Daily website). To protect the identity of these brave students, they have chosen to stay anonymous; however, this does not mean their voices should be minimized in any way.
According to The Washington Post, The University of Michigan ranks third in the nation for “Total forcible sex offenses on campus 2010-2012,” falling behind Pennsylvania State University and Harvard University. These numbers should frustrate the students and faculty of our campus, considering students should feel they are in a safe environment where they can learn and flourish during their college years. However, this recent data sheds light onto the ways in which our campus needs to rethink their sexual assault policies and how cases are handled.
Additionally, it is important to note that many sexual assault crimes go unreported due to shame, nerves, and the sad reality that victims may feel they won’t be heard, understood, or taken seriously. When it comes to sexual assault cases on our campus, we must be willing to help and support one another in order to create a safe space for women and men.
According to rainn.org (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network), approximately 2/3 of sexual assaults are committed by someone the victim knows. This number can be surprising, considering many movies and crime television shows portray sexual assault as something that happens between two strangers. However, it is important to recognize that sexual assault can happen between friends, acquaintances, and can even take place with in a romantic relationship. Yes, while romantic relationships are usually seen as a safe space for love, this is not always the case. Below you will find a list of signs of a healthy romantic relationship. They focus on power, communication, and trust.
1. Power is equal in the relationship.
Both partners should feel they have a fair say in things as simple as what to do on a Saturday night, to things that aren’t so simple such as sex.
2. You don’t try to change each other.
Each person should feel as though they aren’t being changed by their partner, but that their flaws are being embraced.
3. Arguments are reconciled through calm words, not anger or violence.
Couples fight. Parents fight. Friends fight. Everyone will fight. However, there is a healthy way to handle a problem, and a not so healthy way to handle a problem. People in a healthy relationship will refrain from making the other person feel small, and will simply use “I” statements when reconciling. Couples in healthy relationships will also NEVER use violence to make a point.
4. Being in the relationship makes your feel better about yourself, not worse.
Being involved romantically with someone should help you feel confident and able to express who you truly are, not the opposite.
5. You have never felt pressure to do anything sexually that you do not want to do.
6. Behavior from partner is not possessive, but caring.
A person in a relationship should never feel like the other person’s property. They should feel loved and cared for, but never owned.
7. You both are able to healthily balance time with each other with time doing other things you love.
Spending time together is important, but so is spending time with friends, family, and participating in clubs and organizations you are passionate about. Healthy couples will support their partners, not try to tear them away from what they love.
8. You are able to trust what they tell you.
9. You feel respected.
10. You don’t feel as if you are in competition with one another.
You don’t feel as though you need to one up your significant other.
11. You don’t feel controlled by your significant other.
Couples in healthy relationships won’t feel as if one person or the other is in control.
12. You love spending time with you significant other.
This one should be a no-brainer. People in romantic relationships should be excited to be around each other, and love spending time with their partner.
13. You don’t constantly question your relationship.
Having cold feet about your relationship once in a while is ok, but questioning your choices on a daily basis is not healthy.
14. Communicating with your significant other is easy and doesn’t make you nervous.
If there is something in the relationship with which you aren’t comfortable, it should be comfortable to make this apparent to your significant other, without fear of how they will react.
15. You are comfortable introducing your significant other to friends and family.
Couples should be excited to introduce their partners to friends and family. They should not feel ashamed or scared.
While these are healthy signs of a romantic relationship, most of them are also signs of a healthy relationship in general. No person should make another feel inferior, small, or as if they are not safe on campus. These signs can and should be applied to any sort of relationship you have with a person, reminding us to treat each other with respect and kindness.
It is important to remember that sexual assault can happen to anyone regardless of race, gender, ethnicity, campus involvement, Greek life membership, etc. Additionally, although romantic relationships are emphasized above, sexual assault can also take place outside of romantic relationships. It is true that sexual assault crimes still go on at parties, dorms, and off campus homes, whether or not there is alcohol involved. Although there has been so much talk of things young women can do to prevent sexual assault at parties such as dressing less provocatively, not walking home alone, etc., we must not resort to victim blaming, and not shame women into thinking that what happened to them is their fault. This will only make victims feel worse about what happened, and may force them to believe that what happened to them is normal, they just didn’t prevent it.
We, as a campus, need to be aware of the resources our campus has for victims of sexual assault, and of the ways in which certain groups on campus are taking a stand against sexual assault once and for all.
If you are in a crisis and in need of help, please call the 24-hour crisis line through SAPAC (Sexual Assault Prevention & Awareness Center): (734) 936-3333