I’ve recently noticed that all four of the girls in my apartment (including myself) apologize incessantly. We say something weird, we apologize. We forget to put our cup in the sink, we apologize – but this isn’t unique to the four of us. Women, in general, feel the need to apologize for everything (and there have been studies supporting this [1]). The root of this impulse might be women’s sensitive view of what categorizes an “offense,” or insecurity, etc.
One of my roommates apologizes so often that I felt the need to bring it up to her. She seemed aware of her behavior but not of the specific events that elicited her apologies. So we made a rule – every time that one of us apologizes for something silly, the other responds, “S.S. Apology.” I really have no idea where that came from – it sounds kind of like a ship sailing away with our over-apologetic behavior. So far, it’s been helping us shake the habit. Do you need to board the S.S. Apology with us?
You apologize for talking too much
It’s not your fault that you have a lot to say! If you’re having a conversation with someone, it is your right to respond in however many sentences it takes.
You apologize for talking about yourself
We love talking about ourselves – everyone does it. As long as you’re not venting 24/7 (and chances are, if you apologize for it, then you’re not,) you are 100% allowed to make yourself the topic of discussion. Give yourself permission.
You apologize for not having a good time
Did you go out with the intention of not having a good time?
You apologize for wanting to be alone
This is so reasonable. Spending some time on your own and focusing your energy inwards is healthy.
You apologize for being sensitive
Please accept your sensitivity and appreciate how it allows you to effortlessly connect with others.
You apologize for your feelings
First off, all feelings are valid. We all respond to experiences in different ways. Secondly, emotions often arise unconsciously – there is no reason to be sorry for something that you cannot control.
You apologize when you ask for someone’s help
You can’t do everything on your own, and that’s okay.
You apologize for your appearance
Wearing sweatpants? They’re comfortable, don’t apologize. Forgot to put on makeup? You look great without it, don’t apologize. Is your hair a mess because you overslept? Sleep is more important than strands of dead cells. Don’t apologize!
You apologize for not having time to go out because you need to study
This university offers very difficult and intense classes that you can’t pass without working hard. There is no way to stay afloat if you always prioritize your social life over your grades (that I know of, anyway). If you’ve decided to take a day at the library, you should be proud – not sorry.
You apologize for asking a question
I hope that your professors have told you this already, but there is really no such thing as a stupid question. I ask questions all the time, probably more than my classmates would like me to. I’m not sorry that I’m a curious person and am taking advantage of my education.
You apologize for not understanding something
Things don’t always click the first time around. Sometimes they never truly click, but hey, sometimes you have to give yourself credit for trying in the first place.
You apologize when one of your friends behaves rudely
Your friends’ actions are not your fault. It is really thoughtful of you to apologize on their behalf when they make a scene, but it is their responsibility to do the apologizing, not yours.
You apologize for doing something “weird”
Please don’t ever apologize for this. Chances are, you’re just being yourself, and someone is calling you out on behavior that they are too afraid to exhibit. Being “weird” keeps people interested and on their toes.
You apologize for apologizing
Girl.
Images courtesy of Giphy and Atlanta Black Star
Citations
1Schumann, K., and M. Ross. “Why Women Apologize More Than Men: Gender Differences in Thresholds for Perceiving Offensive Behavior.” Psychological Science 21.11 (2010): 1649-655. Web. 3 Nov. 2016.