“Why are you sitting like that?”
“Like what?”
“With your legs all open. Girls don’t sit like that, only boys can”
*starts crying*
This, Collegiettes, was a pivotal conversation in my childhood. My family was driving to get our Christmas tree and my brother and I, ten and six years old respectively, were bickering in the back. I remember this vividly, it was one of the first times I was blatantly told what girls can and can’t do. Pretty traumatic if you ask me, but I didn’t “fix” my seating position. I still sit with my legs splayed whenever I feel like it because it’s comfortable. I put my feet of tables and chairs around me and generally claim my space. I was always told to minimize myself, because men need more room than I do. I was never good at this, and I always took the elbow rest from the man sitting in the middle seat on the airplane.
What I actually hear when someone tells me what I’m doing is wrong.
Being considered a capital L “Lady” was never a priority for me, and I could tell that others around me were put off by that. On my high school dance team, I loved the aggressiveness of hip hop and felt more comfortable in the genre. I loved jazz and contemporary styles as well, the feminine and fluid movements were equally enchanting. Still, peers were always surprised when I shared that with them.
So many young girls are told “ladies don’t eat like that, ladies don’t sit like that, ladies don’t talk like that” and the like. I got fed up faster than most. My mom always encouraged my individuality and supported my strangeness, so luckily I knew I was supported by those who mattered the most to me. I speak my mind and challenge others, a trait not typically given to a lady on first thought.
Bey laughing at the haters.
The ideal of being a lady is reinforced in the music we listen to, the movies we watch, the things we hear on TV, and it’s overwhelming. Being prim and proper receives so much praise, and anything else is looked down upon. There is also a generational difference in how we view what a lady is. Decades ago, women were expected to be debutantes and be happy and submissive housewives, and now they’re taking the business world by storm – look how far we’ve come! It has so far to go too, as the definitions change to accept and love all types of people and not just the classical sense of what it means to be a “lady”.
I really couldn’t care less if I don’t fit that expected idea of what it means to be a “Lady,” because as a woman, I get to define it for myself!