A lot has changed since the days of high school sex education. Naturally as we get older and relationships become more complicated, new (and sometimes embarrassing) questions about sex will emerge. Unfortunately for us college students, there aren’t many places where one can anonymously inquire about sex and relationships — until now!
*Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. If you have a medical concern related to sex, please ask a professional.
Q: When my boyfriend and I have sex, sometimes I’m not sure if I cum. It’s like mini orgasms? It almost feels like a peak without the drop. It’s only a sex thing, and not a masturbation thing, so I’m really not sure. Is this normal?
A: If you have experienced an orgasm while masturbating, then you know what it feels like. So, ask yourself what you’re doing differently during sex versus masturbation. Are you communicating with your partner? When you’re having a “mini orgasm”, does he stop or does he keep going? Perhaps your partner simply needs to do whatever he’s doing for an extended period, or until you’ve both “peaked” and “dropped” as you put it.
Additionally, research has found the women need to feel safe and comfortable to reach orgasm. Something as simple as wearing socks during intercourse can have a large impact on one’s sense of security. In fact, a 2013 study from the University of Groningen in the Netherlands found that 80 percent of the women in the study experienced an orgasm when they wore socks, compared with the 50 percent of barefooted participants. Gert Holstege, the leader of the study, explains, “A pleasant environment, which includes the room temperature, is an important part of making her feel safe, secure and comfortable.”
Q: Have you ever had anal and does it hurt as much as other girls say it does?
A: My personal preference is not going to impact whether anal sex is for you. If you are interested in exploring anal sex, it is recommended to use plenty of water-based lubricant, start with smaller objects such as a finger then work your way up, and remember that relaxation is key. Also, if at any point during the experience you experience pain or discomfort, you can stop. Do not put yourself through unnecessary trauma just for the sake of trying something new. It is crucial that you and your partner understand that sex is supposed to be a pleasurable activity for all parties involved, and this means you can revoke consent at any point.
Q: I heard HPV is really common, and now I’m scared. What is it? Am I definitely going to get it?
A: There is actually a great Her Campus article that explains HPV. You can read it here.
As the article explains, “While there may be treatments available for the diseases HPV causes, there is no treatment for the HPV infection. However, there is a lot you can do to minimize the risk of contracting HPV in the first place. Obviously, abstaining from sex is the best way to protect yourself, but if you’re not abstaining, it’s best to keep sex monogamous with an uninfected partner. Using protection correctly and consistently can also help limit your risk, so a physical barrier such as condoms is important to have on hand. But remember, HPV can affect areas that aren’t covered by a condom—so it may not fully protect against HPV.”
So, to answer your second question, it is likely that you will encounter the HPV infection at some point in your life, as it is extremely common and difficult to avoid with complete certainty. However, if you get regular examinations at the gynecologist, you can limit your risk for contracting diseases caused by HPV.
Q: What is your best advice for surviving a break up?
A: Every relationship is different, and therefore every break up comes with its own unique challenges. Furthermore, everybody experiences heartache differently. I can only give advice on what has worked for me personally. In my experience, a clean break is crucial to moving on. Once the relationship is over, there is no going back. On-and-off relationships are messy, confusing, and often lead to more pain.
So, I would recommend deleting your ex’s phone number, deleting your ex on social media, and limiting contact with this person. If you need to exchange belongings, do this as quickly as possible. It may even be therapeutic to “cleanse” your phone and social media accounts of any photos of the two of you. Think of this as a clean slate. Allow yourself a few days to mourn the loss of the relationship, then move on because if a person does not want to be in your life, then you are better off without them.
Q: Do I have to come out? I don’t even know how to label my sexuality… I might be bisexual, but I’ve done more with boys than girls so I don’t know if that even counts. I see people coming out on social media all the time and it makes me feel like I should come out, but I don’t know if I’m ready.
A: Nobody should feel pressured to come out of the closet. It is a personal and very difficult decision, and it is your decision to make. Firstly, if you are unsure of your sexuality, that is completely normal. Sexuality is fluid and can change over time as one grows and experiences new things. Also, your sexuality is not defined by the number of sexual encounters you have had with the same gender. If you are attracted to the same gender, then you might be bisexual, pansexual, etc. Fortunately, you are not alone in this journey. Many college campuses have clubs and organizations dedicated to providing a safe space to talk about these issues. If you chose to label your sexuality, it is your decision. If you chose to come out, it is your decision. When you feel ready to come out, make sure it is safe to do so and that you have a support system in place.
Q: What’s it like to be in love?
A: In my opinion, being in love likely feels different for everyone. I can only speak from my own experience. Personally, I do not believe that being in love means that you cannot live without your significant other. Rather, I believe that being in love feels like finding a best friend, confidant, and lover all wrapped in one person. When I am in love, I feel accepted, I feel confident, and I feel safe.
If you have any questions you would like to submit for the next edition of SEXplained, head here and ask away! Remember, it is completely anonymous and only we can see your questions.