The question seems very simple but it’s actually quite complicated.
The first time that I actually thought about this question was when one of my guy friends vented to me about his girl problems. Midway through his rant he turned to me with sudden realization and said, “You know Jess, you’re actually my only girl friend that I’ve never wanted to sleep with.” I just sat there like…um okay, thanks I guess? Never has the thought of sleeping with that friend ever crossed my mind. Once he saw the weird look on my face he explained his thought more. He told me that basically the only time he’s interested in becoming friends with girls is because he is attracted to them and hopes that by becoming “friends” first it would increase his chances of getting with her. But that brings up a question: how many of these “friendships” are actually an ulterior motive for sleeping with a girl? It’s actually kind of offending.
I’ve asked a couple of people what they thought about the whole situation and here are their responses*…
Kaylee: “ I think that it’s possible to be just friends with the opposite gender when you stop seeing them as a gender and just as a friend (idk if that makes sense lol). More often than not, romantic or even sexual feelings arise between two people of the opposite gender which can make friendship difficult. Then, it is even more difficult to recover from and go back to being just friends. But, if that person means a lot to you, and vice versa, it is possible to make it work.”
Hannah: “In my heart I truly wish that women could be friends with men, but my life has taught me otherwise. Throughout the years I’ve met a number of boys who I genuinely believed to be my friends. Yet in the end it always came out that they were my friend only because they found me attractive, were interested in hooking up with me, “in love” with me, or in some other way maintaining our friendship in hopes that one day something more would transpire. Whenever it either became apparent to them that my boyfriend wasn’t going anywhere, or they found a new girlfriend, our friendship, which was previously so important to them, suddenly vanished. I’ve had dozens of guy friends throughout my life, starting as early as Kindergarten, and not a single one has lasted to this day. Well, that’s not entirely true. My current fiancé was once “just a friend” to me, because I had a boyfriend when we met. But after two years as friends he told me that we couldn’t be friends anymore because he was in love with me and I was in a relationship. I somehow convinced him to still be my friend and, once my boyfriend of the time and I broke up, he and I eventually did end up together. But was he ever truly interested in being just my friend? Given current circumstances, I think not. Unless the male friend identifies as gay, and would never be interested in more than friendship, I’m going to say that it’s impossible for men and women to truly be just friends.”
Jimmy: “Yes and no. Guys and girls can be friends, but on the surface, I believe that deep down in one or both parties’ heart, they have feelings for the other.”
Alex: “You can be friends with someone without being sexually attracted to them. The reason why you’re friends with them is because you feel emotionally connected to them. But sometimes an emotional attraction can transform into a sexual attraction. It also goes the other way. Sometimes a sexual attraction can turn into an emotional attachment. I’ve had lots of friends that I’m not attracted to but I like being around them. It’s like family. You enjoy being around them but you’re not attracted to them.”
Has any of this happened to you?
You thought that you were “just friends” with a guy:
But then suddenly he makes a move:
And you’re just there like “I thought we were just friends!”:
And then after you deny them, they fall off the face of the planet and you’re just there like:
So what do you think Collegiettes? Can you just be friends with the opposite gender?
*Responses have only been edited to fix any typos.