So you finally scored yourself a blind date. Wait, is this real life? …guys actually like me?
Once it sinks in that yes, you have a date, you can’t hide your excitement.
Wait, girl, be cool about it.
But seriously, what’s not to love about dates?
You may even start having a little too high of hopes for the night. I haven’t met him yet but he’s the one, right?
Even your girls are excited. They won’t have to listen to you complain about being single anymore over drunken wine nights.
This is of course until you actually see who you have to go on the date with…you’ve got to be kidding me..
The waiter brings you to the table, and your date goes to the bathroom. You are debating whether or not to just get up and leave.
You talk yourself into staying. He can’t be that bad, right? Who believes in love at first sight anyways?
He comes back to the table picking his nose, and you realize you made the wrong decision.
He starts talking about sh*t you don’t need to know about, like his constipation problems…
…and things you don’t care about.
The waiter brings your dinner out. You don’t think it can get much worse until you see your date eat his baby back ribs..
Once that is demolished, he leans back in his chair as you stare at him in disgust. Wait a minute…what’s that smell…DID HE JUST SH*T HIS PANTS?
Your eyes begin to tear up and you hold back gagging. Did I seriously dress up and leave my house for this? You can’t help but think about your lonely future.
He then finds it appropiate to talk about his ex girlfriend…
and even has the nerve to say that Beyonce is overrated.
But wait, he wants to know about your ex boyfriend, too.
Finally, the waiter brings out the bill. You try to be positive…at least I get a free meal. You both stare at the bill, and that’s when you realize he doesn’t plan on paying…
As you are cursing him in your head, you slam down the money and leave. WHO RAISED YOU? Clearly lacking the ability to read social ques, he walks you to your car.
He asks if he can see you soon…possibly another date?
Before you can even respond, you climb into your car and get the hell out of there. Peace.
Feeling sorry for yourself, you drive to the closet liquor store. You plan on drowning your sorrows with a drink..or 20.
When you finally make it home, booze in hand, you call up your best friend and tell her all the details.
Being the best friend that she is, she gives you a much needed pep talk.
When you finally hang up, after about 3 hours, you think about what she said to you. “You’re amazing, you’ll find him soon, I promise.”
After that nice ego boost, your faith in humanity is instantly restored. Who’s next in line, boys?