Gather round, we’re going to talk about bisexuality. There’s a multitude of misinformation floating around, so I’d just like to clear up some of the basics and address some of the comments that have been made towards me personally. Trust me, you’d be surprised at some of the things I’ve heard.
1. “So that means you like girls and boys, right?”
That’s a huge oversimplification, and often erases people who identify outside the gender binary. The bisexual community defines itself as such: an attraction to genders similar to your own and to genders different then your own—the attraction to two or more genders. Everyone is different, and the degree to which people are attracted to different genders can vary; sexuality is a very complicated and fluid thing. Nevertheless, that is the definition which the bisexual community ascribes itself to. Throw out your old perceptions of bisexual simply meaning “men and women.” That is a narrow definition which has long since been replaced by the above definition.
2. “What’s the difference between bisexuality and pansexuality?”
Bisexuality, as stated above, is the attraction to two or more genders. Pansexuality is an attraction to all genders. It’s an important distinction to make. Pansexuality implies inclusiveness of all genders, whereas bisexuality doesn’t.
3. “So, like, have you ever had sex with a girl?”
Stop asking bisexual people this! Seriously, stop!
You wouldn’t want some stranger asking you about your sexual history, right? You’d think it was weird and tasteless. Just repeat that question back to yourself in the mirror. That’s an incredibly invasive and rude question to throw at someone when they tell you their orientation. It’s also important to note that orientation is just a descriptor for attraction. Sexual history has no bearing on the way someone identifies. A woman can identify as bisexual and never have had sex with another woman; it doesn’t make her any less bisexual. The act of having sex doesn’t validate or invalidate someone’s identity.
4. “So…are you down for a threesome?”
Again, I’m not sure why people feel the need to always throw this one out, but I’ve actually had this said to me before. Bisexuality isn’t an invitation. It’s harassing and rude to say this to someone on the basis of their orientation.
5. “Okay, so how does scissoring work?”
First off, another invasive question I get from strangers…I’m not going to describe lesbian sexual acts for you just because you’re curious. If you really want to know, I bet you have a smartphone in your pocket—Google is literally right there.
Secondly, I don’t know anyone that scissors. I’ve never met anyone who has and to be honest, I’ve only ever heard it used as a punch line for a joke.
6. “Bisexual girls are just doing it for attention.”
DESTROY THIS MYTH! It’s important to take people’s orientations seriously. It’s doesn’t matter if you believe it or not. Identifying as bisexual has caused a lot of alienation for me from my straight friends and family, as well as ones within the gay community. Coming out takes a ton of guts, so don’t ever dismiss someone.
7. “Bisexual guys are just secretly gay and aren’t out of the closet all of the way.”
Men’s bisexuality is often dismissed just as much as women’s. Again, this is untrue. It’s perfectly plausible for a man to be bisexual. He isn’t “halfway out of the closet.” Do you really think you know someone better than they know themselves? I guarantee that people think very long and hard about labeling their sexuality, and they’ve considered it very deeply.
8. “I would never date a bisexual.”
And why not? We’re great. We’re all totally cute and awesome, and to be honest I feel bad that you’d write us all off. This also ties into the myth of bisexuals being greedy—I can’t tell you how many people, lesbians and straight men alike, have said something akin to the above quote to me. Ah yes, the greedy bisexual–stigmatized and alienated by the gay community and also by straight people. Look at our greed; it’s legendary.
That’s just a brief overview of some of the comments I’ve heard. Now that you have a new repertoire of knowledge, take it out with you into the world. Be supportive and caring towards your bi friends. Trust me, we are a totally cool bunch.