Oh, Juan Pablo,
You had me from the three words you spoke on Des’ season of The Bachelorette. When I heard you were the next Bachelor, I was so excited to stare at your dreamy professional soccer body and beautiful face while listening to that sexy accent.
Except now that final rose has been giving out, and I literally mean, JUST A ROSE, I’m left feeling so unfulfilled. Maybe some of your emptiness has rubbed off on me, or maybe you were just the worst bachelor. Ever. I’m going to say mostly the latter.
There were always some questionable things you would say, or not say for that matter, that I think me and the rest of America would just brush off since many times the girls would first. However, after watching that season finale and that painful after the final rose ceremony, it’s safe to say your beauty does not fall past skin-deep.
Sorry, I’m just being honest!
1. You never answered a question. Although you won’t get the crown for the best bachelor you are definitely the king of walking in circles. No wonder why you only wanted to kiss everyone, you look a lot sexier doing that than trying to make sense.
2. As Andi pointed out, your catch phrase, “It’s OK.” got old real fast.
3. You didn’t genuinely care about any of these girls or a future with them. Well, maybe a future in the bedroom, but that’s it.
4. You used your daughter as an excuse for everything. Including the regret you felt after you and Clare oh-so-obviously boned in the ocean. Just because it was in water doesn’t mean it won’t count!
5. You used “gays” and “pervert” in the same sentence.
6. Then you tried to stand up for yourself by saying it was taken out of context. Honey, we saw the whole quote. And just because you have a gay best friend doesn’t give you gay-bashing power.
7. You never used the word, “wife.” Even if it doesn’t work out in the end, at least every other bachelor or bachelorette goes in with the mind set that they are going to find their spouse. You just wanted the show because they make it (kind of) socially acceptable to be dating more than five women at one time.
8. You sent Cassandra home on her birthday.
9. You used Renee’s son as an excuse not to kiss her all season (while you shoved your tongue down everyone else’s throat) and then sent her home AFTER meeting her son… makes sense.
10. EVERYTHING ABOUT THE FINALE EPISODE… but more specifically…
11. You told Clare you would have her babies and see her in four months when clearly you had other plans. Plus, you know how crazy Clare was already, she came out of the limo with a fake baby bump! Girl’s got baby fever!
12. You said, “Phew, glad I didn’t pick her,” after you dumped Clare and she told you off. Yeah you definitely seemed upset…
13. You said you had a diamond ring in your pocket, but weren’t going to use it. In an analogy that only Juan Pablo’s mind would understand… that’s like if Clare said back to Juan in the helicopter, “I want to #*%& you too” and then didn’t. ULTIMATE TEASE. Ugh, Nikki you should have taken the diamond and ran! That Neal Lane product placement wasn’t for nothing.
14. After you teased Nikki with diamonds, you told her that you don’t want to marry her but do want to keep her around (all while giving a sly wink), you then proceeded to put your finger over her mouth and say, repeatedly, “Don’t get cranky.” Um, you just told her you want to keep her as your permanent #*%&-buddy, I think she’s at least allowed to be a little cranky about the humiliation.
15. You had the most awkward, cringe-worthy After the Final Rose Ceremony in Bachelor history. You could see it on everyone’s faces in that studio.
Last but certainly not least …
16. You were rude to Chris Harrison by saying, “Woah, can I talk?” No one insults Chris Harrison. No one.
Juan, I think you’re one of those people who should just stand there and look pretty.
But good luck with your next girlfriend, because we all know Nikki is not going to last.
It’s safe to say Juan’s true, arrogant and self-centered personality shined through by the end of the season. He might not have walked out of here with a fiance (or even solid girlfriend) but he did walk away with the title of The Worst Bachelor. Congrats, Juan!
All photos compliments of Google.