Personally, I’ve never really been a fan of Thanksgiving. (I know, I know. This isn’t something I ever really openly admit.) I’ve always thought that Thanksgiving is kind of just the pregame to the exciting parts of the holiday season. I’m not really a fan of gravy and pie fillings kind of creep me out.
However, I learned to love Thanksgiving after watching Gossip Girl. I have a soft spot for scandals, fall fashion and scheming, and the Gossip Girl Thanksgiving episodes are a perfectly prepared hot plate of my guilty pleasures.
I’ve never watched all of the Thanksgiving episodes in a row, so I took the liberty of doing so for this blog post. About halfway through, I realized that all of the Thanksgiving episodes are pretty similar. Blair always tries to go to Paris, but never does. Nate always meddles in his family’s issues. Serena always makes a terrible decision regarding her love life. Dan is typically moping about something that happened weeks ago and Chuck is rarely a significant enough part of the episode.
Here’s your official guide to the Gossip Girl Thanksgiving episodes. (I mean, it’s pretty official. I’m basically a GG expert!)
“Blair Waldorf Must Pie” – Season One
“As per Gossip Girl’s Thanksgiving tradition, I’m trading my laptop for stovetop. For the next 16 hours, the only thing I’m dishing is seconds. When the cat’s away the mice will play. Have fun, little rodents.”
This episode is pretty legendary for three reasons.
1.) The flashbacks to last Thanksgiving are amazing. Serena basically blacks out and is her infamous party-girl self, running around the city smashing pies and almost getting hit by cars. The best part of the flashbacks to last Thanksgiving is that nobody is really even phased by the fact that Serena is absolutely hammered. They’re just like “LOL, oh, Serena!”
2.) Serena finds out that Blair lost her virginity to Chuck. She tries to convince Blair that sleeping with Nate’s best friend was a bad call, and the two engage in a quick best frenemies argument that is the sort of interaction that makes the Serena/Blair friendship one of the most entertaining of all time.
3.) Eric has frosted tips.
Other memorable things: Dan invites the Van der Woodsens to Brooklyn for a Very Humphrey Thanksgiving. (Honestly, I’m surprised it didn’t involve waffles.) The whole holiday basically goes to sh*t because Dan had no idea that Serena’s mother, Lily used to date his father, Rufus. Lily only agreed to attend dinner because she assumed that Rufus’s wife (who he’d been lowkey separated from for most of the season) wasn’t going to be there. But, obviously, she was and everyone felt icky because even though it’s just a ridiculous coincidence, it definitely has incest-y vibes for Serena and Dan.
Through the flashbacks, we learn that Blair’s life is actually kind of a mess. Last year, the poor thing naïvely sent her boyfriend upstairs to handle her hammered best friend (that he cheated on her with). Blair’s mother, Eleanor frets over Blair’s recovery from her eating disorder, and her father, Harold, checks out a male model (that he ends up running off to Paris with). This year, Blair’s dad ditches her, and there’s a weird montage of her angrily eating a pie and trying to repress some memories of the days when bulimia controlled her life.
Although this episode is pretty good, I do have one serious complaint. CHUCK IS NOT IN IT. Seriously, wtf?!
“The Magnificent Archibalds” – Season 2
“For the rest of the country, Thanksgiving is when families come together to give thanks. But, for the Upper East Side, the holiday thankfully returns to its roots—lying, manipulation and betrayal.”
I know that Thanksgiving is about spending time with family and loved ones, but Serena Van der Woodsen seems to use Thanksgiving as an excuse to “keep it in the family.” Although she really had no idea that she was dating her mother’s first love’s son when she first got together with Dan, her inability to look outside of her inner circle when looking for boyfriends is proven when she starts dating Aaron Rose – son of Blair’s mother’s boyfriend. Like, hello, Serena! You’re drop dead gorgeous, you can get a little bit more creative with your dating life, and stop setting yourself up for so many awkward run ins!
Aaron finally tells Serena that he’s ready to date her exclusively, but there’s kind of a catch. Aaron is a recovered alcoholic, and mentions that he’d like to surround himself with people who can be supportive. Although she’s internally freaking out about the fact that she’s an infamous party girl, Serena pretends that she’s on the straight and narrow for the sake of her new relationship. Eventually, it ends up blowing up in her face, because Aaron runs into Dan, who lets it slip that Serena isn’t as “clean” as she may claim. The whole thing ends up in Dan and Aaron having a showdown of the Two Ugly Brown Jackets, and Serena walks away unscratched (per usual).
Little J’s life is pretty messed up in this episode. She’s secretly living with the Van der Woodsens and planning to get emancipated. (And although her family issues seem to be pretty pressing, I think the real issue at hand is her god-awful choppy mullet bangs.)
This episode also deals with the fact that Bart Bass (Chuck’s Dad and one of Lily Van der Woodsen’s husbands) is like, literally obsessed with having his private investigator stalk everyone in his life. It’s revealed that he has a whole safe filled with files on his closest friends and family. Honestly, most people would find this creepy, but I’m just jealous that he’s got the resources to do such extravagant creeping. (Admit it, you’d love to extend your capabilities past Twitter favorites and the “following” tab on Instagram.)
“The Treasure of the Serena Madre” – Season 3
“Thanksgiving began when the pilgrims and Indians came together to share the bountiful harvest. On the Upper East Side, that tradition is upheld with a harvest of secrets, lies and scandals.”
The third Thanksgiving episode is the worst, in my opinion. It’s undoubtedly the most cringe-worthy Thanksgiving episode of the series.
First off, Dan is freaking out because he just had a threesome with HILARY DUFF and Vanessa. Was it absolutely necessary to drag this part of the plot into the Thanksgiving episode? The fact that the producers of Gossip Girl thought they could ever trick us into believing that Dan Humphrey was charismatic enough to get with Hilary Duff is ridiculous. Dan spends the episode trying to fight the fact that he’s in love with Vanessa. (Come on, Dan. You’ve done better. Let it go.)
Once again, Serena’s “keeping it in the family” and lusting over Nate’s cousin, Tripp Vanderbilt. Tripp keeps telling Serena that they can finally be together, because he’s going to divorce his wife. Sh*t gets pretty awkward when Lily VDW-Humphrey (yes, she’s married to Dan’s father, Rufus, in this season) invites Tripp and his wife to dinner and Serena and Tripp’s kind-of-affair is revealed.
Although there’s lots of scandal in this episode, it mostly revolves around Serena’s inability to date anyone that’s appropriate for her to be with. The ick-factor of Dan’s threesome is enough to make any diehard GG fans want to forget the episode’s existence. The only redeeming part of this episode is the fact that Chuck and Blair are in a cutesy part of their relationship, which is what a significant portion of Gossip Girl fans live for.
“Gaslit” – Season 4
“Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. As always I’ll spend it giving thanks for the bounty of secrets I’ve harvested from you this year.”
Chuck and Blair aren’t together because Serena outed them at the Saints and Sinners party, so I already kind of hated this episode from the get-go.
Serena wakes up in a Queens motel room next to a bunch of empty pill bottles with no idea how she got there. Lily sends her to the Ostroff Center. In terms of scandal and scheming, this episode is pretty good. Unfortunately, the mastermind behind it all is Juliet, who is definitely on everyone’s list of worst Gossip Girl characters, so it kind of discredits how genius it is.
Little J, Vanessa and Juliet are all behind Serena’s overdose, and Little J eventually comes clean and passes the scheme torch back to Blair. Although this episode is extremely scandalous, it’s barely a Thanksgiving episode. (There isn’t even a dinner scene with our favorite Upper East Siders sending jabs across the table!)
PS – if your heart doesn’t break over the sad little note Blair sends to Chuck with a pie, you’re more coldhearted than Gossip Girl herself. Even when they aren’t together, they’re still the best couple in the show.
“It’s Really Complicated” – Season 6
“Gobble gobble Upper East Siders. It’s Thanksgiving again, and I hope you all brought your appetite, because today’s the one day a year you’re supposed to count your blessings and NOT your calories.”
This is hands down the best Gossip Girl Thanksgiving episode of the series—and not just because Dan gets punched in the face. The scheming against Bart Bass is honestly some of the best of all six seasons.
Dan and Serena are basically just two heart-eyed emojis basking in each other’s love. (Ew. Especially considering the fact that Dan’s hair has practically taken on a life of its own at this point.) They decide to host their first Thanksgiving dinner together. In the true spirit of a Gossip Girl Thanksgiving, Serena runs into her recent-ex, Steven Spence while grocery shopping, and gets roped into inviting him to dinner (a la scheming de Blair).
Because Lily and Bart (they’re back together!) are planning on being away for the holiday, the crew invites Chuck to dinner. (Chuck really doesn’t want to be around his father, because he’s trying to ruin his life.) Chuck is so depressed that he can’t get out of bed, but Blair is finally able to convince him to come to dinner with a little bribing and a risqué Pocahontas costume.
Unsurprisingly, Bart and Lily end up showing up for dinner anyway, which creates the opportunity for lots of drama. Georgina crashes dinner, and interrupts to announce the release of Dan’s chapter about Serena. The chapter details all of Serena’s daddy issues and Dan reveals that he’s basically been holding up the happy relationship charade just to get close enough to Serena to write a compelling book.
Blair, Nate and Chuck all take Serena’s side, and Nate punches Dan in the face.
PS—perhaps the greatest part of this episode, besides Dan getting punched, is one of the best Blair Waldorf one-liners of the season. Blair says Serena must be in “Seventh Heaven” when Steven (who is played by Barry Watson, Seventh Heaven star) tries to get back with her.
Happy Thanksgiving, XOXO!