We all know the endless struggle of wanting to show our friends the new cutie we met in our Spanish class, but then coming up empty when we go to show them a picture from Facebook. Guys, in general, are not the greatest at keeping up their social media. “I swear he’s cuter in person,” is a phrase I’ve heard innumerous times. The options they have generally don’t offer a good depiction of what they look like. We obviously know that they’re not out here to impress us, but what else is social media for than to advertise oneself? If such is the case then maybe dudes need a self-marketing class. Here are some of the (unfortunate) common Facebook profile pics that we come up on when we’re creeping trying to show our besties.
The “just hooked a big one”
They have to show you they know how to make a good ~catch~.
A pic with a girl that you have to figure out if he’s dating but it’s probably just a girl friend because he’s trying to show you he has girl friends
More than anything I think this is a move to show you that girls are friends with him and that he can be trusted because of that.
A pic with his dog or cat
To show you that he’s ~cuddly~.
An in-action shot of him playing a sport
While it’s understandable that guys want to display that they’re into sports or can do some cool trick, it’s not super useful to us when their back is turned or they’re wearing a helmet.
A watermarked yearbook photo
Yeah he probably looks pretty good here but c’mon it’s not as great when half of his face is covered.
The mirror pic
Usually taken in an effort to show off his muscles, this kind of pic is older and might have been taken with a pre-iPhone camera phone. Bonus points if it’s at the gym.
A semi-decent pic with his bros from a dance
He’s dressed nice because he was going to a dance but chances are this is an outdated pic because it was from high school.
A super-awkward middle school pic (or several)
This is a problem I run into a lot where guys just haven’t updated in a really long time and all you have of them are pics when they were gangly or scrawny or chubby or acne-ridden or too busy thinking they were cool.
A webcam photo
Before the cell phone, the only way most of us were able to take pictures was through the webcam on a computer, and it’s likely highly edited.
A picture of him with a car or on a motorcycle
So you know he’s ~cool~. Although much like the sports shot, if he’s wearing a helmet, this is not helpful (but props for safety first).
A good ol’ fashioned selfie
Gotta work with what ya got. Most of these are either goofy or stoic; there’s not much in between.
One good family photo
This one is sweet, but again, probably outdated from a past family vacation or family reunion.
Some photoshopped nonsense meant to be funny
The sense of humor of a twelve-year-old boy (or even, you know, a senior in high school) is one that doesn’t quite connect with us as college-aged women.
Pokémon
Why, just why?
Literally just a pic of him being an idiot
‘Nough said.
My thanks to Claude Bird, Ben Lamprecht, Kyle Meng, Daniel Schauer, and Skylar Wurster for letting me use their pictures to make light fun of them!