So, this is something I tend to go back and forth on—can men actually be feminists, or can they only be allies? I realize that it primarily depends on how you define feminism and its interaction with misogyny. Feminism, in a very general sense, is about women and the movements that attempt to empower them, even if it leads to the degradation of men in the process. If feminism is all about women, then, yes, men probably couldn’t truly be feminists, only supporters. But, as Noah Bertlasky points out in his article published earlier this year in The Atlantic, feminism counters misogyny as it “involves deriding and devaluing women, but it also means devaluing any expression of femininity, no matter the gender of the person in question.” Bertlasky explains that the kind of feminism that empowers women to be equal to men reinforces the idea that being male, and the roles they fill, is better than the roles designated as feminine. Women, because they’re nearly always associated with femininity, are affected most by misogyny, but men who stand outside societal conventions of masculinity find themselves fighting a similar battle. Bertlaskly concludes that his reason for being a male feminist is not “because I think I’m going to save women. I’m doing it because I think it’s important for men to acknowledge that as long as women aren’t free, men won’t be either.”
Here are the top three reasons men cannot be feminists, and why, I think, they can:
1. Men are not part of the targeted group
But, as Bertlaskly points out, widely held notions of masculinity negatively affect men and promote an unachievable amount of hyper-masculinity. Men who display emotions, who are overweight, who are not white or heterosexual are more likely considered feminine. While men feel shame about this, women are told it is inherent to their biology and cannot be helped. While the patriarchy developed such notions, both men and women fall victim to the consequences, in different ways. Men have a lot to gain from the destruction of the patriarchy as well.
2. It doesn’t matter; men still benefit most from a patriarchal society
This one is difficult to argue. But again, men outside the confines of American masculinity do not benefit either. While they seem like false equivalents, men can be feminists when trying to dispel the negative associations of femininity.
3. Men who label themselves feminists avoid accountability
Yes, there are instances of men who, after deplorably objectifying women (I’m talking to you, Robin Thicke), claim to be feminists without actually acknowledging their privilege. But I don’t think this is inherent to every man. I honestly believe that high-powered and well-recognized male figures use the word feminist as a safety net. But they’re not really fooling anyone, are they? I have male friends that always acknowledge how they benefit from the patriarchy, while still calling themselves feminists. Loving your mother, your sister, or women in general, is not a reason to be a feminist, nor is a strong desire to save and protect them. I just don’t think that’s what every single male feminist is trying to do.
Feminism has always been driven and voiced by women. And while I tend to lean towards men being able to be feminists, I am not advocating they rise up and try and speak on behalf of women. Men can explain how they have been negatively affected by misogyny without attempting to silence the female voice and take up the feminist plight.