From a Guy’s Perspective: Dealing With the Friend-Zone

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From a Guy’s Perspective: Dealing With the Friend-Zone

            I know I’ve mentioned that relationships are tough before and I’ve got to say, not being in a relationship can be pretty tough too, especially if it’s the person you are head over heels insanely sprung for, now that sucks.
            When that person also happens to be one of your best friends, it just gets a bit more complex and tough.
             So what happens when you, a girl (or guy who didn’t realize what website he was on), tells a guy that you just want to be friends? That’s it. You make it pretty damn clear that there is no way that you want to be anything more then that, but you actually do value his friendship.
            The questions I’m really trying to answer are: Will I (the guy) get over her? Will I walk away and never talk to her again? Or will I try my hardest to be friends but hope for more?
            Let me start at the most undesirable option for the girls who really want to be friends with the girl, the guy that walks away and never talks to her again. It does happen sometimes and I’ve definitely been the guy who does act like a baby.
            A guy that wants to be more then friends might not want to accept anything less then being more then friends. It’s not that the girl isn’t worth being a friend, but is can be tough to try to get over someone when you see them every day. It can be that the guy who doesn’t want to be around because he knows he’s just going to be mean to the girl to get take the pain out on her.
            Face it: no one wants to be in the friend-zone.
            If you’re the girl in this situation the best thing to do is give the guy space, because he obviously wants it, otherwise… he wouldn’t have spaced himself away. Nothing will be fixed from you bugging the guy about “but I still want to be friends!” As long as the first time you tell the guy you just want to be friends you’re totally clear and respectful about it, you shouldn’t try to talk to him again if he starts breaking away from you.
            If I am walking away from her and looking for some time off to think about how much I want to be friends with this or not, then I don’t want to talk to her really, but it would be sweet if I do decide to get over it, she’s still ready to be friends with me.
            That would be awesome.
            There is no defined way for a girl to let a guy down easy that will work 100% of the time and keep the guy as her friend, and it’s up to the girl to determine/decide how to tell this guy off gently. This brings us to the next question, “will I get over her?” and the answer is… maybe. It really just depends on who the girl is and how I feel about her and how she goes through telling me I’m not what she’s looking for.
            Think about how long it took you to get over a guy, the longest amount of time.
            Got one?
            Yeah, guys are people too. They can take as long as you, or longer, to really get over a girl. There are some girls that were on my mind for so long that it just got ridiculous, and sometimes even though a guy might start dating somebody else, he might be still interested in the original girl and getting over her.
            Seems obvious, but true.
            All that a girl can do is be patient, and try not to put false hope on the guy, like be flirty. I would have a tough enough time just chilling out with a girl that has rejected me without her leading me on more, even if it is unintentional.
            The real answer is yes I will get over her. Any guy will eventually get over a girl, but that doesn’t mean it’s all going to be great, and that doesn’t mean that the guy is going to be friends with you after, it just means he’s not going to be pining for you.
            Now for the third, final, and the most likely thing to happen, staying friends with a girl and hoping that something more happens.
            Going out on a limb: over 99% of guys who stay friends with a girl that he liked and that told him she only wanted to be friends stays friends in hopes that they become something more then friends.
            Get that? Less confusing then I made it to be.
            Yes, I will/have stayed friends with a girl who has rejected me to a certain degree. A lot of why it’s cool is guys like to date girls that they can hang out with, hanging out with someone and being able to make out with them/do other stuff is one of the coolest things ever.
            I will still dream that this girl will have a magical change of heart and will realize that I’ve been there for them through whatever crap and douchey guys they’ve gone through.
            There are a lot of ‘80’s/’90’s teen romance movies that go over this exact subject, I suggest a more recent one: Sex Drive. (Throwing in an even better example, a movie made by my friend Jacob Motz, Love Stinks
            Don’t get mad at a guy who won’t get over you, especially if he’s your friend and he’s not causing any harm by it, just let him be. If anything be flattered, he should get over you sooner or later.
            Every guy has their own process of getting over a girl, it starts when the girl finally starts to let the guy know the situation. Leading him on has never solved anything. Let a guy down gently, treat him with respect and let him know that you want to be friends. Most of all don’t get upset with him for his reaction.
            Us guys are only human.


About The Author

Peter Frankman is an underclassman at the University of Iowa from Burbank, California. He has a few addictions in his life: writing, reading, heavy metal, Adult Swim, and any movie with zombies. He joined The University of Iowa's Her Campus team as the writer of the "From a Guy's Perspective" articles in January 2011 and hasn't looked back since (except to make sure he doesn't write the same article twice). Peter's a major in both Journalism and Creative Writing and hopes to become a writer in some way, shape or form after he graduates. That or the President of the United States, he hasn't really focused too much to say anything decisive yet... or maybe he has, we're not quite sure. If he had to choose a night of guilty pleasures it would include the Beastie Boys, Monster Import: Light, Zebra Cakes, and a marathon of subpar movies that he thinks are amazing (Blade, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Fast and the Furious, etc).