When it comes to dating as a millennial woman today, it is no easy task. Our mothers, sisters, aunts and cousins go on and on about our luck. We are told how young we are and how lucky we are to be dating now. They say, “Go and explore while you’re young and ambitious, this is the most single people you’re ever going to find yourself surrounded by at one time, so take advantage and get out there!” We are told in our generation how easy it is because if in-person interactions scare us we can online date, too. The choices are endless; what do we have to lose? Well, we can lose a lot, thanks though, Grandma.
First of all, we are in college. People are not exactly ready to be the supportive partner and friend we are searching for most of the time. Often we first must tackle through people who are still immature only wanting to mess around or don’t want the work of a relationship but all the benefits of a girlfriend with little to no labels or commitment. And if you do get lucky and find a nice person, there always seems to be some sort of catch. That catch being, that you have to find a way to make it work long distance.
Maybe you are different ages, and they go to school someplace else, maybe it was an internship or job that drew them farther away, or maybe it was an incredible opportunity for research or study abroad. Either way, you both decide you guys are worth the work and are willing to be in a relationship long distance. I am not here to tell you to break up or how to manage your long-distance relationship in itself because those articles are plentiful and not far in between, just Google some words of wisdom. But I am here to write you, to convince you that you’re making a great choice, granted you’re with a great person and why the distance is really worth it.
Personally speaking, my current relationship has always been long-distance, we met and instantly connected but lived elsewhere from the other, yet we couldn’t keep away. I am incredibly blessed to have a boyfriend who is who he is, and I wouldn’t be able to write this article without this experience. This is not to say I am in anyway an expert in love or relationships, so of course take or don’t take the following advice with a grain of salt. But I will say it can work and is happening to many people as we speak.
1. Be sure if you’re going to go the distance you’re not the only one who is ready for it.
The first way to know you are making a smart choice worth going the distance for, is of course, making sure you are with a person worth being far apart from in the first place. Being in a long-distance relationship is a serious commitment to another person. Even more so than the traditional relationship and takes all the skills a relationship normally has at an even deeper level. Your trust and communication have to be even more apparent and intact, and so it is crucial the person you are with is willing to reciprocate what you are trying to give them. They need to be the kind of man ready to be in a serious relationship committed to your needs when you speak up on them just as they speaks up for theirs. I am not saying they have to want to marry you tomorrow, but you should be serious enough that it is clear what your rules are and what your expectations are moving forward in your relationship.
2. Going the distance is dependent on if you are going with the right man.
If you’re going to be with someone, regardless of how far away they are, you should consider this. How much do you really care about this person? Do you trust them? Do you like them? Are they your friend as much as they are your partner? What about them has been worth staying with to begin with even before you consider staying together far apart? Are you your own person despite being in a relationship with this man? You need to make sure all these questions are crystal clear when going the distance because you are going to be tested no matter how strong your relationship is when you start dating someone who lives farther away. The most important thing to prepare for is the fact you will feel single in the sense that you are alone quite a bit. However, you should be comfortable enough within your own skin anyway, that this will not be a problem, or you are probably too dependent anyway and need to take a second look at the relationship.
3. Going the distance is hard work, this is true, even though it is also a beautiful thing.
You need to find ways to be in contact since you can’t see the other person. So this means it’s way more important to text, Facetime and call than ever before. Never use passive aggressive behavior because this is even harder to interpret across technologies than when you are together. If you are struggling to say things to the other, take a step back and ask yourself why because having more time to yourself should actually make this easier. You both will misinterpret each other, but trust and communication will carry you both through the hard times you face. Maybe you don’t see them for months at a time, or maybe they were at a party and your jealousy alarm bells go off. Just tell them the truth and before you know it, if you’re with someone worth being with, you will work any arguments or conflict out every time.
Now, with that all being said, there is many wonderful benefits about dating someone long distance.
1. You still get to grow as a person.
Not to say you can’t grow with someone, but when you’re in a long distant relationship, you have more “you” time to “find yourself” and grow into the woman you are trying to become with a bit more ease and less distraction from your partner’s needs and wants because of the time to yourself that you have.
2. You still have that spark.
If you are with the right person, no matter if the honeymoon stage has ended, you should hopefully never truly lose your spark for your partner, but when you are long distance, when you finally get to reunite, the butterflies definitely are much more present, and you treasure your partner that much more because you value the time more than a normal relationship.
3. You are great at communication and conflict management.
As mentioned before, you don’t have time for petty arguments in a strong long-distance relationship because things can easily be misinterpreted if not communicated with great transparency and the relationship is even more precious with the added element of distance added to the mix. So, you find you are great at making up after arguments, and you speak your mind, because there is simply no time to let things drag on, and they mean to much to you to be that immature about conflicts with anyway.
4. You both seem super interesting each other.
There is a reason you fell for the person you are with, and with distance their unique attributes only grow when you are apart because you aren’t there to experience all their adventures all the time. You see their posts online about fun programs or achievements, and they become even more fond of you and you of them because of all they are accomplishing as their own individual person. As they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder and seeing how well they can do solo makes you want to be with them that much more, and when you realize you are with them, you are grateful and pleased.
5. Distance is a great way to see just how strong you really are.
When you are with someone in a long-distance relationship, there is a sense of ease when you find yourselves still very much happy with one another and your relationship. It may make being together that much more fulfilling because it is a nice way to know your relationship is strong and can handle anything that comes your way. Being with someone takes a lot of trust and vulnerability, but being able to make a long-distance relationship work should hopefully bring you more confidence that this person is right for you and that they are worth it for a happy future together because if they can handle this, they can handle potentially whatever life throws at the two of you.
So if you find yourself in a long-distance relationship with someone you don’t want to say goodbye to, don’t. Try long-distance, and if they are really the kind of person worth being with, you will find more benefits and memories than you’ll know what to do with.