Welcome to Ask Herk-ampus! Every month, we will accept questions from you, our readers, and attempt to answer them to the best of our abilities. At our meetings, we discuss your questions and come up with some advice. This month our writer Elizabeth took on the task of jotting down our thoughts. We hope our advice helps! Submit your questions here, and we’ll do our best to answer your question for next month’s column!
Dear Ask Herk-ampus,
The other day while I was helping my boyfriend clean his room, I found that he still had kept some letters and photos from a few of his exes. It made me feel kind of sad but also wrong for feeling jealous since those relationships ended but I feel weird that he still has those. I personally threw everything away from my ex because he was honestly just an emotionally abusive person. Is it normal to keep things from a past relationship?
Sally
Dear Sally,
This is such an awkward situation to find yourself in! It’s totally possible that there’s nothing to worry about, though. Your boyfriend may still have feelings for these girls, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that those feelings are romantic anymore. These girls were a part of his life at one point, and although they’re not now, it isn’t fair to tell someone that they should stop thinking about those times. After all, these past relationships are just another part of his memories now.
On the other hand, your feelings about this are completely reasonable. Jealousy is a normal human emotion. It’s natural to look at those photos of your boyfriend smiling and laughing with his exes and wish that you were there to share those good times with him.
Of course, it’s also possible that your boyfriend shoved those boxes of photographs into the back of his closet when he was cleaning his room or something and forgot all about them! One reason he still has those photos could be that he hasn’t thought about them in a long time and didn’t remember that they were even there!
Sincerely,
Ask Herk-ampus
Dear Ask Herk-ampus,
At the beginning of this year (I’m a freshman), I spent a lot of time hanging out with my friends from high school. Eventually, I learned that they’re not good friends, nor were they very nice to me. But because I spent a lot of time focusing on those friends instead of making new ones, I don’t have very many friends here. I feel so lonely and have no idea where to make friends. It seems as if everyone already has established their friend groups. What should I do?
Social Butterfly
Dear Social Butterfly,
First of all, here is a virtual hug because your situation really sucks! It’s not too late to do something about it, though.
Many student orgs accept new members year-round, and sorority recruitment happens each fall and spring. Try to find other people in your major because there is a good chance that you will see them often over the next few years since you have to take the same required classes. (Asking your fellow classmates about the homework even if you aready know what you have to do for it is a good excuse to start talking to others!) Leaving your dorm room door open is a good strategy, too, since it encourages people to pop by and say hello.
And if all else fails, you should consider joining Her Campus at Iowa! No, really. We’re a fun, friendly, creative group of girls, and we’re always happy to have new members!
Sincerely,
Ask Herk-ampus
Need some advice? Submit your questions to Ask Herk-ampus here, and we’ll do our best to help you out in next month’s column! HCXO