Last week, I shared with you my story about the girl who messed with my head, my boyfriend and my relationship. I am sure that if you are reading this, you can relate to that situation. Although it is tough to deal with and overcome, there are a couple ways that I have figured out over the course of two and a half years to handle the situation. Seven ways, to be exact on how you will feel and how to handle it.
1. Disbelief: Understand that you did nothing wrong.
There is no way that what she did can be put on you. She messed with your boyfriend and your head. She betrayed your trust. She will make you feel like you were the culprit and she was the victim leaving you shocked. In reality, it’s the other way around. Write down a list of everything she did that made you mad and burn it.
2. Denial: Break Up With Him.
Even though she is doing the damage, remember that he is letting her. You don’t want her to win, but in the end, if he doesn’t come back to you, then you are the real winner because he never deserved you in the first place. Chances are, he will come back. You will be the champion. But don’t be blind to the fact that he played a role in this as well.
3. Bargaining: Don’t sell yourself short.
When it comes down to keeping your boyfriend in this situation, it is tough. But the choice is up for grabs: you or her. That is it; there is no in between. You will also never be able to hang out all together. You become the bargain and you are worth it. If he is smart, he will realize that. If not, screw him. He probably has bad hair anyway and you can make a Tinder.
4. Guilt: Stop listening to Jar Of Hearts on repeat and give yourself a pep talk.
You are not crazy, she just wants you to think you are. She also wants him to think you are because that is what drives men away. The mind games that she plays are just that: a game. But you will feel bad for her because you are human. You might even feel bad for him because he is in the middle. Don’t. Stand up for yourself. Listen to some Beyonce instead.
5. Anger: Go to the gym, punch a pillow, knock someone out?
Anger is bad. Anger is stressful, tense and detrimental to your overall health. There is no reason to keep pent up anger in your body because it will affect your health. Remember, you want to have class and dignity. Do not punch her no matter how badly you want to. However, I have found that anger is best used when turned into useful energy like working out.
6. Depression: Your journal is your friend.
Writing this article is a cleanse for myself. Whenever I feel sad and find myself subtly crying after my roommates fall asleep or hiding under my lofted bed for days from feeling so hurt and empty, I write my feelings down. After a while, you feel new, like your old weepy self has left your body, jumped onto the page and you can proceed with life as it should be.
7. Hope & Acceptance: Give yourself a round of applause.
You just withstood trying to break down. You are important to your boyfriend, naturally. You fought for him tooth and nail. You are still here, standing proud and fighting on. Do not let this make you feel any less important or hinder your future relationships with trust issues. You know now that you deserve better from your friends and significant other. Treat yourself to something you normally do not!
And so, after this long rant on how to cope with the seven stages of grief for a crazy girl who wants to ruin your relationship, I hope you learned at least one thing: never compromise who you are for anyone, especially not for her.
Now grab your man and don’t let go…
…or grab your friends and take some shots!