“I’m not pretty enough. I’m not funny enough. I’m not skinny enough. I’m not interesting enough. I’m not smart enough.”
Those are the thoughts that often run through our heads every time someone doesn’t feel the same way about us that we feel about them. We’re always convinced there’s something wrong with us.
How many of us have relayed conversations over and over again in our head to figure out what went wrong? Guilty as charged. We think that maybe if we did something differently they would feel the same way.
It’s emotionally and physically exhausting trying to piece together where things hadn’t gone as planned.
If you’re one of the people that thinks this way, you have to stop.
Stop letting yourself believe you aren’t good enough. Stop blaming yourself every time someone doesn’t reciprocate your feelings. Stop comparing yourself to others and thinking that you are “losing” an imaginary competition.
There’s a beautiful quote from Dita Von Teese that goes, “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”
You can have every amazing quality in the world and odds are there’s still going to be someone who doesn’t like you, who doesn’t find you beautiful, who hurts you, or who screws you over and makes you feel worthless. Guess what? It’s not your fault.
Ever since we are young, we are told that our worth is determined by whether or not our romantic interests like us back. We are told that relationships are everything; getting married is everything. We are made to believe that having a significant other in our lives is the only way we can feel complete.
So when someone we like doesn’t like us back, it can make us feel small.
That’s what needs to change.
We need to teach girls that if others don’t like them back, it’s not a flaw of character or because there’s some other better girl out there. As cheesy as it is, there will never be another you. There will never be another person in this world who has been through the same things you have been through, which has shaped you into who you are. There will never be a person who looks just like you, talks just like you, or has your personality. You are unique.
Sometimes people don’t like us because they just didn’t feel a connection. Sometimes they don’t like us because they’re not ready to commit. Sometimes they don’t like us well, because they just don’t. And that’s okay too. Not everyone has to like you in order for you to have a happy life. Do you like everyone you meet? Probably not. The same goes for those around you.
You can spend hours dwelling over how to change yourself into someone people will like, lay in bed at night until 3 am wondering why you weren’t good enough for someone, or spend days wishing you were someone else.
OR, you can change your mindset. You can revel in the fact that you are unique, and beautiful, and are going to do amazing things in life and that someone not liking you does NOT take any of that away from you. If you choose to pursue looking for a relationship, know that someday someone will come along who will love you fully and unapologetically.
You won’t have to force it and you won’t be the only one putting effort into the relationship. Most importantly, you won’t have to change a single thing about yourself.
In the meantime, find peace in the fact that you are much more than those who like you, or don’t like you. You are your passions; your friends, your family, your role models. You are your drive and ambition. You are your favorite Sunday morning routine, you are your favorite songs blasting on the radio, you are the dreams and goals you dream about before falling sleep. And most importantly, you are enough.