I am a girl with a naturally small stature. I’ve also always enjoyed physical activity. During high school, I spent time in treatment for an eating disorder and since then, I’ve found the best way to stay healthy and keep a positive image of myself is to simply eat well and continue doing the things I enjoy for exercise when I have time. Thus far, that has worked well for me. During the summer, I have more free time and spend a lot of it rock climbing and working out, which I have less time for during the school year. Essentially, I do not have to worry so much about staying in shape and instead, focus on eating enough and staying healthy. Well, that was the case until recently.
It is my first semester of junior year and honestly, I have forgotten what free time is. I am in class throughout the day Monday to Thursday. Most Sundays and sometimes during the week, I work part-time. Two hours a week I prepare for the LSAT. I also have to make time for friends and relaxing. By the time I get home, I just am too tired or too busy to work out. This also means I am too tired to cook.
Over the last couple of months, I decided to give myself a break and not worry too much about the fact I wasn’t working out or making fresh meals. I eat whole grain cereal, low-calorie meals, and for the most part, kept up eating healthy things (minus giving in to candy cravings here and there). I figured that it would take a while to lose the muscle I had gained in summer and I would just stay toned naturally and in a month or so, would find time to get back into the gym. That didn’t happen. If I wasn’t busy doing something for school, I was either too tired or needing to do something else. I started to miss having time and energy to exercise but I figured I would continue to maintain my figure, as I always had.
A couple of weeks ago I noticed something; my weight had stayed the same but my appearance did not. I just didn’t look as toned as I used to and clothes fit differently. For the first time in a while, I was pretty self-conscious again. I couldn’t help but wonder if I had “let myself go.” I didn’t look bad but I wasn’t necessarily excited by the idea of putting on a bikini. I mostly felt disappointed with myself. I had always valued staying healthy and active. I preached it and would talk about how easy it is to stay motivated to work out. Now I couldn’t even remember how I used to do it.
I started making time for the gym by taking my books for English classes with me. Instead of reading in bed, I could read on the bike. I also realized it probably wouldn’t hurt to eat food that was fresher. Despite the lack of time or desire to cook healthy meals like I used to, I knew I needed to make more effort. I bought salad and vegetables that were easy to prepare. Cutting calories does not do it all. You have to have fresh, unprocessed foods as well. Sure, I wasn’t working out five times a week, but the twice a week gym trips and somewhat healthy food was a step forward compared to what was going on before.
I don’t have it all figured out. I’m not as toned or in shape as I used to be but for the most part, I’m probably the only person that can tell. I am also proud that I am making an effort to do something. For me especially, it is really hard to find balance between not being healthy at all and being obsessive about it. Right now, I am at a solid middle ground. I realized that sometimes, you just have to come to terms with the fact that you’re getting older and priorities change. I’m not saying you should start being lazy and eating crap, but I am saying that you need to make sure you aren’t too hard on yourself. It isn’t easy finding time when you’re older. It takes more effort and energy to make time for the gym sometimes. It’s ok to admit to yourself that it’s hard.
At this point, I am not thrilled that I am having to pick myself up after completely abandoning my previous habits. However, it is going just fine. I work out when I can and am eating better than I was. I also know that during Christmas break and summer I can pick back up on getting in shape. If you’re in a rut or just feeling unmotivated but need to change, don’t be so hard on yourself. Make a list of times you could work out a little bit or find ways to integrate it into your daily routine. It’s important to realize that you need to stay healthy and doing that takes a lot of work. It’s important to realize that you can’t be too hard on yourself. Finally, you need to remember that all you can do is your best.
Do your best to find time and energy. Find ways to motivate yourself and don’t feel badly if your time is limited. You haven’t “let yourself go” or lost your “hotness.” It’s just that your priorities changed, and that’s ok. Stay focused on being healthy, not skinny. Stay active when you can and eat well when you can. Keep a positive attitude and be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that if you are doing your best, that’s all you can do.