Before you dismiss the title, hear me out. It is okay, when you are in a relationship, to ask for things. It is okay to have needs. Let me repeat this: It is okay to have needs. It is also okay to want things from your partner. That is what a relationship is about.
There is a common misconception, I believe, for many women to have to be it all. You have to be mysterious, caring, honest, pretty, but not too fake, hard to get, but somehow always available. It’s a balancing act to be a woman; at least that’s what society tells us. You can’t act too needy or double-text. But this is where I am calling this myth out.
There is a difference between being utterly dependent upon a partner and expecting particular things out of your partner. It is okay to want him (while I say him, I am acknowledging that you could be dating a girl) to answer his phone when you call. It is okay to expect someone to keep the promises they make and to show up for dates on time. As humans, we crave attachment to others and it is okay to lean on someone else. You should never have to apologize for expecting things from someone you’re in a relationship with.
I say all of this because I dated someone for a very long time who I bended my life for. It was not just compromise, it was losing myself in this relationship. Whenever I asked for things, I always felt guilty, but now I realize how messed up that was. I deserve—you deserve—someone to fulfill things you need from the relationship, like stability and care.
But, I am going to dispel the myth that you need someone to complete you, because that is completely not true. You are whole on your own, but you should be able to be yourself in a relationship. A lot of my girl friends think that they can’t burden their boyfriends with anything they are going through, and therefore withhold information about what bothers them. I think a lot of girls are afraid that they will scare their partners away, but honestly, who cares if you do? As long as you are reasonable in your requests and take compromise into consideration, then you shouldn’t be too worried. I learned to be “selfish” in the things I wanted, and you should too. So be needy, and do whatever the hell you want.
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