It’s an indisputable fact that the best part of flying has always been Skymall. There’s nothing better than sipping a mini-soda, reclining your seat (those full two inches), and cracking open the newest edition of that glorious catalog. Where else can you find raincoats for dogs, glow-in-the-dark toilet seats, and questionably accurate recreations of the One Ring?
Skymall is a treasure trove of bizarre goodies and ridiculous knick-knacks that you can’t (and probably shouldn’t be able to) find anywhere else. When the in-flight movie options suck and you forgot Vogue at home, Skymall is there to save the day.
Sadly, Skymall announced today that it is filing for bankruptcy. It seems that all good things must come to an end—but before Skymall officially closes for business, here are fifteen of it’s wackiest products that you probably—no, definitely—need.
1. Roswell, the Alien Butler
There’s no one on this planet who wouldn’t secretly like to have a tiny, alien butler. For the low, low price of $69.95 all your dreams can come true! Roswell can bring you another glass of chardonnay while you sit on the couch and watch Dance Moms reruns.
2. Waistband Stretcher
If your pants have been feeling a little tight recently (and who could blame you? It’s king cake season!), you definitely need this gadget that will help your pants accommodate future foodbabies.
3. Handmade Irish Walking Stick
Nothing says ~authentic~ like this “handmade” Irish walking stick. Take it along with you for support on your cross-campus adventures. People will definitely believe you when you tell them you bought it off a leprechaun you once met at a pub in Dublin.
4. Bigfoot Garden Yeti Sculpture
Bigfoot lives! Buy this, and I can guarantee your neighbors will admire your sophisticated taste in yard art, and they most certainly won’t call the HOA.
5. The Siamese Slanket
Wondering why you’re still single? Maybe it’s because your Snuggie only has room for one. You should probably take care of that.
6. Little Lulu, the Monkey Puppet That Hugs Your Finger
Oh, look! It’s a monkey finger puppet. Sooooo lifelike. With this thing hugging your finger all day, who needs friends?
7. OMG ~Diamond~ Pendant
This necklace is the result of the secret merger between Claires and Skymall that apparently happened a few years ago. This statement piece is so trendy and fashion-forward, that everyone will ask where you got it, and no one will believe you when you wink, saunter away, and whisper “Skymall” over your shoulder.
8. Boudoir Stool
So classy. So chic. So sophisticated. If you’ve been looking for a way to bring a bit of French flair to your boudoir, there’s no better way to do it than by adding this stool.
9. Dragon Rainspout
You’re probably going to want to buy this now, in case you ever find yourself the proud owner of a medieval castle that happens to need a rainspout. Wait, are barfing dragons not your aesthetic? Never mind, then.
10. Eggplant Mini-Statue
If Jeff Koons and an actual eggplant had a baby, this statue would be it. Impress your friends with your modern, sleek eggplant statue. You know you’re already thinking about where you’d put it.
11. A Big, Brown Bear Statue (That You Can Sit On)
If you’ve got four grand burning a hole in your pocket, what better way to spend it than on a giant bear that you can sit on? I simply can’t think of anything I’d rather have.
12. Money Maze Game
This contraption is a great gauge of how much you actually need that next drink at the Palms. If you can’t get your money out, it’s probably not a good idea.
13. Hot Dog Hippity-Hop
Bikes? Cars? Skateboards? Those boring, old methods of transportation are for peasants. This hot dog hippity-hop will get you to class in style. Everyone you pass will be overcome with jealousy at the sight of your sweet ride.
14. Dragon Candle Holder
Why play Dungeons and Dragons in the dark when you can light up the room with this dragon-candle? It’s a necessity for all cool parties.
15. Shark-Boat
When you finally make it big, you can drop $85,000 on this boat that’s shaped like a shark. That will definitely silence the haterz.
Thanks again Skymall, for all the great memories. You taught us how to enjoy some of the finer things in life. After all, who doesn’t need a shark-boat?