This past week was National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. For many people, this week is a great time when they can celebrate the progress that either they or their loved ones have made towards recovery. For others, this week can be a difficult time as they are surrounded by before-and-after pictures and other good intentioned but nonetheless hurtful posts on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
As someone who has struggled, and still struggles with, a multitude of eating disorders, NEDAWeek was an emotional roller coaster. I wanted to be able to post a picture of my body and boast of my body positivity and recovery, but the reality of the situation is that I still struggle every day with what I eat and how it affects my physical appearance. Fighting the malicious thoughts of an eating disorder consumes almost every moment of my day, in both expected and unexpected ways. When I look in the mirror, go for a run, or choose what to eat for a meal, the voice is there telling me I’m not good enough, that my behavior should reflect an effort to make me thinner, prettier, better. Then there are the moments when I’m trying to understand what precipitated the Rwandan genocide and the voice is telling me to give up and eat a box of cookies instead. Or when I am laying in bed watching Pretty Little Liars and the voice says to go throw up everything I’ve eaten that day because I didn’t deserve any of it. People have told me before to just ignore the voice, that it should be easy because I know that it’s working against me, but it’s not that simple. It justifies its cruelty by wanting what’s best for me, for me to be happy and loved, but it knows that I will only have those things if I make the right sacrifices now. So I should just skip the next meal because suffering a bit now will help me later. I am lucky to be aware of the eating disorder voice, because that makes it infinitely easier to combat, but it is still so. damn. hard. It is a battle that I have to choose to partake in every day. Some days I have to figure out how to forgive myself for letting it win.
Eating disorders take a huge machete and hack away at your confidence, your patience, your self love, and sometimes even your sanity. They manifest physically, and do have physical repercussions, but they are primarily mental illnesses. A common misconception is that only young, white women and gay men are affected by eating disorders. Another is that only people with certain body types can have an eating disorder, but neither of these are true. Just like the ideal employer, eating disorders do not discriminate against race, sex, religion, national origin, physical disability, age, sexual orientation, or weight. According to the National Eating Disorder Association, around 10 million men and 20 million women in the United States will have an eating disorder in their lifetime. There is an insufficient amount of education for such a prevalent issue. Movies and books often romanticize anorexia, effectively ignoring the harmful, and sometimes fatal, consequences of this disease. There is not nearly enough talk about other types of eating disorders, including bulimia, binge eating disorder, avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder, and eating disorders that are not otherwise specified. It is imperative that these illnesses become normalized so that people can recognize the symptoms and seek the help they need, but also so that the people helping them can do so effectively. If you are fighting an eating disorder, the biggest sign of strength is asking for help. If you know someone who is going through this, please reach out to them and accept their experiences. Their struggles are valid and you can help them on their journey to recovery.
For more information, please see the National Eating Disorders Association’s website.
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