Some say it’s lucky to date your best friend since you’ve already known each other forever- but things don’t always work out that way. I never realized how tricky crushing on a BGF (best guy friend) could be until it happened to me. When you spend day after day with your BGF, the line between friendship and crush seems to blur, especially in college. I spent tons of time with my BGF from breakfasts to the gym to late night Hodgdon runs. We even registered for next semester’s classes together.
During the most stressful week when my laptop broke down and I experienced both real sickness and homesickness, everything happened too fast before I could take my words back. I regretted the moment I told him that I liked him when I saw his WTF face and wide eyes that were staring back at me surprised and baffled. You got it, it didn’t work out for me.
It seemed like the end of the world when it happened; what I lost was worse than a boyfriend, but a best friend, and brother figure. I started being dubious about everything. It’s so awkward! Will he stop talking to me? Can we still be friends like before? Why did I tell him? I’ve never told a guy I liked him before! How is it that he never noticed? Or has he always known? Does he like me the way I like him? But do I even really like him, though? Nah, it must be platonic. OMG what if he’s scared? What the hell should I do now? Should I initiate anything? I shouldn’t have told him!!! Why is he not texting me back?!! How much do I like him on a scale of 1 to 10? (That is literally what his best friend asked me afterwards). Ugh I just wanna cry now…
As horrible as all of that sounds, all I could do was try and force myself to calm down. I started talking to my friends seeking advice, thoughts, suggestions, and sometimes a shoulder to cry on. Even so, I was never able to really think about the situation without replaying my awkward confession over and over in my head. But after all the anxiety, doubts, regrets, adrenaline, tears, embarrassment, anger, hope, and disappointment melted down, I realized that the voice that I should actually consult was my own. The whole time he left my messages unanswered, he offered me space to reevaluate the relationship between us. I realized how I still missed the time we shared like best friends, like siblings.
I knew I wanted this friendship back. And I knew he did as well.
The truth is that if you had a strong bond beforehand, eventually, the awkwardness WILL break down. After a couple of days, we started talking again and everything seemed normal. We were still on the topic of him playing Dota and going to bed late like we used to during every lunch. Everything takes time and you can’t expect your relationship to go back to normal immediately. Once you’re ready to reach out to him again, make sure to let him know that you still want to be friends. I’m sure that if he respects you as a friend, he will try anything to make you feel better and less embarrassed about the situation. The silver lining is that friendship sometimes (and usually) lasts longer than a relationship.
After all, confessing my feelings for my BGF taught me that nothing is the end of the world. We are still young and life is full of chances, choices, and opportunities. In a lot of ways, a good guy friend can be better than a boyfriend. Having someone who appreciates you and trusts you, waits for you to go to dinner, isn’t embarrassed about sharing his past and/or future with you, swears with you about comp sci or IR (in two languages at 2AM), and values you for being you is an amazing deal. And that someone is your best guy friend.
photo source: fanpop.com