“If I finish 3 more pages, I get to buy the dress.”
There comes a point while writing a paper or studying for an exam where you start to use your Nordstrom cart as a motivational tool. For every page read, there is a purchase to be made. Whatever gets you through it.
“I stuck to my diet all week.” or “I got an A on my last exam.”
This would be using shopping as a reward for a job well done. Did you diet all week? Did you get an A on your last exam? Time to get yourself a present, and what better than that skirt that you’ve been eyeing for a month. You deserve it. Positive reinforcement is always a good thing.
“I bought this, because I’m going to clean out all my old clothes.”
Trying to convince yourself that buying new clothes is going to give you the incentive to clean out your closet is very responsible. In with the new, out with the old (or just keep all of it).
“But it was on saleeee.”
Look at you being frugal. Shopping a sale is really just being smart. This can justify any purchase that was anywhere between over 50% off to something like $5 off of $200. Hey, it was on sale.
“Retail therapy is cheaper than actually therapy.”
Not everyone wants to talk it out; some of us would prefer to let our shoes speak for us.
“It was a practical purchase. I needed it.”
Practical purchases don’t count. It’s winter, so you bought the cute coat. Warmth is important. You needed it. Can’t argue with practicality.
“It was a necessity.”
Similar to something being practical, but that’s often specific to weather and season. Funny socks, pretty underwear, these are essentials. It doesn’t matter that you could suffocate under the pile of socks and underwear that you own, buying a new pair is an essential, and therefore always excusable.
“I bought it for that thing… you know, that thing that doesn’t exist that’s going to occur approximately 5 years from now.”
AKA you have no reason, but you will make a place to wear this purchase. Don’t worry, every dress finds a party.
“But it was sooooo cute.”
It was cute… there’s nothing that needs to be added to this. Purchase justified.
“There was only 1 left in my size, so I had to buy it.”
If there was only 1 left in your size, you needed to buy it. That’s like fate. It’s a sign that you and this article of clothing are made to be. Not to mention, knowing it’s the last in your size is stressful. Avoiding stress means buying the shirt.
“Makeup is more reliable than boys.”
The boy may not be texting you back, but your concealer will always be the answer to your problems.
“It’s for my mom, or my sister.”
You’re buying the sweater for your mom… and your sister. Oh perfect, you can all share it. But you get first dibs. And it’s staying with you at school. Hint, hint – it’s for you.
“I’m supporting the economy.”
The economy is a big concern; we have to do our part as loyal Americans to support it. That’s why that last bill on your credit card was really just your service to the country. God bless America.
“I was really bored during class/work.”
Being bored is quite the struggle. Maybe your Professor was rambling, and you just couldn’t listen. Or you were sitting at an internship and didn’t want to ask for some more bitch work to do. It’s really better to have your brain doing something productive. Yeah, something productive like supporting our nation’s economy.
“My mom said it was okay, so I didn’t have to pay for it.”
Parents paid for it? Doesn’t count. The money was not negated from your bank account. That totally doesn’t count.
“I just got my paycheck.”
Money is made to be spent, like chocolate is made to be eaten. You just got paid… you’re rolling in dough. Time to help the economy.
“I was drunk.”
Drunk online shopping is something I like to tell myself everyone experiences… Hey, and if you don’t remember doing it, it’s like a fun surprise when you get your package in the mail! Where did this come from?? If you don’t remember spending the money, doesn’t count.
“My friend said I had to buy it, so I bought it.”
We all have that one pushy friend who tells you to buy things. She said it was cute, she told you to buy it. So it isn’t your fault. Peer pressure is real.
“My cart wouldn’t stop coming up on Facebook.”
We’ve all experienced the phenomena of your shopping cart from different websites following you around in Facebook ads. The tables have turned – Facebook is stalking you. And it’s stressfully been reminding you of all of the beautiful clothing you need to buy.