Let me be upfront with you all. This is not a sob story nor am I trying to gain pity. I am simply telling you what made me into the woman I am today.
Throughout my childhood, I was bullied. I was made fun of, often being called “ugly”, “nerd”, and “fat”. It really hindered myself esteem. I did not have a lot of friends, but I tried to put up a strong front with the ones I had.
What really took a toll on me was my life during middle school. It was a predominantly white Catholic school and there were less than 10 people of color in my class. I struggled to fit in; being made fun of because I was black, had acne, dandruff in my hair, had a heavier weight, and my skirt was longer than everyone else’s. It was a terrible time. While I made good grades in middle school, I was not happy. Toward the end of my eighth grade year, I made a decision: I was going to hang myself. I had thought about it for a while and I had it set in my plans at the end of the day when some of my peers kept picking on me. However, one of my teachers had compassion and talked me out of it.
Still, I was not happy. When I entered high school, I was still picked on a lot. One particular incident started a downward spiral. I was on spring break with my parents and I walked back to the hotel room by myself. And, a guy behind me said, “Look at that cellulite”. Those words have impacted me even as I enter the end of my college career. After I heard that, I had started taking laxatives, restricted my diet, binged and purged, and worked out an obscene amount of hours. My parents and I knew I had developed an eating disorder and had to me go to therapy for it. I struggled with it for two years and even struggle with it now. But, what changed me was probably the best thing in my life.
I had always had a relationship with God, but, during my childhood, I did not call on him much. During my middle school career, I had a lot of resentment and anger toward God for why He would let the bullying happen. But, one thing that never changed was that I always loved children. I wanted to be an example to the people that were younger than me. So, when a family friend offered me a volunteer position in my church, I took it. I was reluctant, not knowing how to be a leader. But, I saw myself grow in that position even now.
I was able to have the children relate to me and I showed that I have a voice that speaks to people. I worked on my relationship with God more and prayed a lot more and I had a reason to go to church.
Working on my relationship with God also helped improve on my academic and personal life. I was number 16 out of 232 in my class, I was the editor-in-chief of my school newspaper, and I had developed a better and stronger relationship with my parents.
Having a relationship with God helped me see that anything was possible. Even though I may not be in high school anymore and still struggle with disordered eating,, I am better than I was before. I was trying to do things on my own, but everything changed when I let God take the wheel.