What is the “Friendzone?” Urban Dictionary defines it as, “What you attain after you fail to impress a woman you’re attracted to.” I disagree. I think the Friendzone is a complete and total myth.
First, let’s discuss how the word “Friendzone” is used in regular context. The connotation attached to it represents someone you want to sleep with who doesn’t want to sleep with you. If we’re specifically studying heterosexual relationships, this is a phrase you most often hear coming from guys and not girls. Why is that?
The Friendzone is a social construct developed by guys who were turned down by girls they liked. By saying it placed them “in the Friendzone,” they are able to misplace what they deem as their shortcomings on the girl.
The first problem with this is that it’s placing all of the blame on the girl for not being either physically, sexually, or emotionally attracted to them. These kinds of attraction can’t be forced upon someone. They are instinctual and have a biological basis.
The second issue here is that those shortcomings are not often actual shortcomings. In order for a romantic relationship to be successful, both parties have to be equally attracted to the other and want the same thing out of the relationship, which brings me to my third point:
If one person doesn’t want the same thing out of a relationship that the other one does, then it is not and never will be an actual relationship. When I say relationship, I don’t just mean a romantic or sexual one, I mean platonic friendships too. Typically, just being “in the Friendzone” doesn’t completely halt all sexual advances. If a guy is “in the Friendzone,” he will generally continue to make those advances, even if they are unwanted. This isn’t friendship. This is “I really want to have sex with you, but you don’t want me to, so I’m going to pretend to be your friend in hopes that maybe one day you’ll change your mind.” And that’s not okay.
Friendships are built on mutual respect, trust, and understanding. Only being friends with someone just in case they might change their mind about sleeping with you is not respectful. It means that this human being who you are sexually attracted to is more valuable to you as a sexual object than a confidante.
It sounds really messed up, but it’s treated by society like it’s nothing big. When did that start? It’s all an issue of equality and social norms. The acceptance of the Friendzone as a legitimate relationship status only perpetuates the objectification of women. Instead of making women equal partners in a romantic relationship, it makes them singular sexual beings whose feelings don’t matter in respect to the man’s.
That’s why you don’t hear this saying coming from girls. No matter what, unrequited feelings are always seen as the girl’s fault. If a girl puts a guy “in the Friendzone,” she’s a b*tch. If a girl has feelings for a guy that doesn’t like her back and insists that she’s “in the Friendzone,” she’s seen as desperate and pathetic. Either way, we women can’t win.
So, yes, the Friendzone is a total myth. It doesn’t exist. It’s gross and needs to be stopped. From now on, if a guy says he’s in your Friendzone, I suggest you Friendzone him all the way to Venus where you’ll never have to deal with him again. Remember, no matter how cool and nice he may be, a guy is not your true friend if all he wants to do is sleep with you.
This was based on a general heterosexual scenario with a man as the “Friendzoned” party. This is a very generalized example and doesn’t represent the entire population, but does represent a typical part of it.