How do I know he’s the one I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with? What if we’re not really meant to be? He could be cheating on me right now? My soul mate could be here on this campus. We barely talk anymore. We’re practically out of each other’s lives. Sometimes it’s as though he’s a stranger. Is this the way it should be?
I’m guilty of having these thoughts flooding in my mind on more than one occasion. In a long distance relationship, worrying is inevitable. The funny thing is, most of the time we already know the answers to these “what-ifs” and they’re never too negative. Still, it’s the fact that you’re miles apart that makes your relationship more susceptible to obstacles and unwanted change. The fact that you can’t be with your significant other when you want to can really be stressful.
Not too many of us are in a long distance relationship in college, but there are a few of us that can identify with these obstacles. Being in a long distance relationship for 3 years, I’ve learned that there are few things that are absolutely necessary in order for this type of relationship to last.
Love is the number one thing that your relationship must have to survive the distance. It’s sort of like breathing, obviously you need to breathe or else you’ll die. Love (although a little less drastic) works the same way; without love, don’t expect the relationship to go anywhere. When you’re in a long distance relationship, you’re love for one another is really tested. Sometimes, you realize your feelings for that individual are not as strong as you thought they were. When you realize this, you have to determine whether or not you want to dedicate yourself to this person.
Trust is just as important as love in this type of relationship. You are not able to keep track of your partner as you once were. Therefore, you will need to trust that they are being faithful and vice versa. If you’re unable to trust them, you will find yourself arguing a lot; usually be because of jealousy. The jealousy can drive you crazy because, of course, there are attractive people on their campus and in college one’s freedom is expanded.
Communication helps keep the relationship strong. When you’re having trust issues you should talk about it with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Let your partner know what’s wrong and what you want from the relationship as time goes by. It is possible that by talking with your significant other you may get into arguments, but that is a part of any relationship. There was a point in time that I was afraid to tell my boyfriend how I felt about certain things because I wanted to avoid confrontation, but by doing so I began to resent him. Those arguments can strengthen your relationship and it can result in a better understanding of your partner’s perspective. However, to avoid arguments try to listen to their views without drawing your own conclusion or judging them.
Patience is one of those things that I’m still working on myself. You will not be able to see your loved one when you want to all the time and you just have to accept it. Cherish your phone conversations and video chats because the farther the distance, the less likely you will see. Some days it will seem like it’s been forever since you’ve been with them, but you need to know that the wait is worth it.
Balance. It is best to keep busy in school so you won’t realize how much you miss them. This comes with the importance of balance. You can’t sit by your phone all day waiting for him (or her) to call- go out and do something. Try to have fun. However, this does not mean forget about your partner. Don’t become too busy to the point that you’re always telling them you will call them back and forget. No one likes being brushed off. Balance in a long distance relationship is difficult, if necessary dedicate a certain time to your partner every day or week to avoid neglecting them due to other aspects of your life
Spontaneous behavior is great when you’re miles apart. Every now and then, do something you’re partner wouldn’t be expecting. Why? Well, the distance can make the relationship pretty boring. You will find yourself in a monotonous routine. It’s nothing like going on a date with them and just doing whatever comes to mind. Write a love letter to them without their knowledge, randomly send them a just because momentum, or better yet-make a surprise visit to see them. I have friends in long distance relationships who always complaining about how they’re bored in their relationship. Even with the spontaneous behavior, you may find yourself bored, but the best advice I could give you is to think about the fun you two have had in the past. You have to realize that the distance may take some of the fun out of a relationship, but it only makes it even greater when you actually do get to see one another in person.
No relationship is perfect, but there are some relationships that are worth the heartache. Being far from your loved one does not make the relationship doomed for failure. I think someone put it best when they said, “Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder.”