Cuffing Season: During the Fall and Winter months, people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be “cuffed” or tied down by a serious relationship. (definition courtesy of UrbanDictionary)
As spring brings about new freedoms and opportunities, whether these be elected or not, the end of cuffing season can be a difficult time. Spring is a time of growth and rebirth, whether it be the flowers blooming from the earth, the birds leaving their nest and embarking into the new, blue skies, or the newfound, lonely singles hunting in bars. It may be difficult emotionally and physically, but it can all be solved by the invitation of a new mindset. So I challenge you, all newly single women of the college world, to follow these simple instructions and your loneliness will turn into independence.
First, take time to grieve and be sad. If I’ve learned one thing in my 19 years in this hell called the real world, it’s that you cannot let your feelings build up inside of you. Walking around as a ticking time bomb is dangerous for you and all who surround you. Just take the time to really get all of those tears out. Go through old pictures, watch sad movies (my go-to is P.S. I Love You), and eat a heaping ton of chocolate. It’s okay as long as it doesn’t last forever.
Once you have passed through all of the grief you are holding in your heart, throw things away. Spring cleaning is only biologically natural, really. Clean everything and build yourself a safe, positive place. Put all of his/her things in a bag and give it back to them (but when you give back a sweatshirt, make sure you don’t overdo the perfume you spray on it). Prove to yourself that you don’t need these tangible items in your life and symbolically, you’ll realize you don’t need the person that they belong to either.
Get involved in literally everything. By keeping busy, you won’t have time to think about what isn’t in your life anymore. You’ll only be left to think about what is surrounding you, like your friends, classmates, coworkers, and family. Take time to catch up with these people and just enjoy the company of those who love you. These are the people who aren’t going anywhere, so make sure you hold them close. They will help you more than you will ever realize.
Make a list of everything that you love to do. Personally, I thought about all of the things that I loved to do before I was in a relationship. You now have free time for you, so get back to what makes you really you, whether that be painting, reading, or going on adventures. You have all of the time in the world now, so replant your roots and grow from them.
Establish what you want to do to define the new you. A couple of years ago, to get over an ex-boyfriend, the “new Jane” involved getting 3 new piercings, a drastic haircut, a new wardrobe, and a large collection of books she’d always wanted to read (I am this “Jane” figure, hello). Now, I’m not saying you have to do those things, but I can say that they definitely helped me. “New Jane” started out as a way of trying to make him regret letting me go, but ended as me realizing how amazing I am on my own and loving the new me.
Understand that your life shouldn’t be built around a relationship. It should be built around you. Last summer, in Key West, I met this older Turkish man doing Henna on a street corner who left me with a message I’ll never forget. He asked me, my sister, and my best friend who the most important person in our lives were, and we all said each other. He then said to us: “the most important person in your life should be yourself.” This life belongs to you, not to your significant other. Make sure you always remember that and I promise, you can get through any heartbreak presented to you. Remember to love yourself because the most important person in your life is you. From the love you have for yourself, love will spread all around you.
“Single is not a status. It is a word that describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.”
Stay happy, collegiettes!