Hey Andi,
So I have been talking to this guy since the day before spring break. He is a real sweetheart. The only problem is that he texts me in the morning ‘hey’ and automatically assumes that if he says ‘hey’ earlier in the day that he can text me 11:30 at night inviting himself over to my apartment. I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to be mean and tell him not to booty call me because I know he is such a nice guy and I’m sure those aren’t his motives but it really bugs me… THANKS! :)
Sincerely,
-Open-Heart not Open-Late
Dear Open-Heart not Open-Late,
Although this guy’s actions mirror the classic symptoms of Booty-Call Syndrome, it is necessary to consider other possible causes of his behavior before diagnosing him as a jerk. You say that he is really sweet- so don’t get worried, a few things could be happening:
For one, he might be scared. He might not want to say the wrong thing in a text message and therefore he doesn’t text you that much. Text messages are written out, clear as day, and can be accessed repeatedly. Unlike during an in-person conversation, if he says something stupid – you’ve nailed him. You have the words written down before your eyes and they are there to be contemplated. Whereas during an in person conversation, they are said once and gone. Therefore when you text, you have to make sure that you choose exactly the right words- this can scare boys away from even trying.
If you know this is not the case because he has texted you plenty of times during the day before, then you still do not have to worry yet! He could be very busy. So busy he cannot find the time to text you, let alone the time to see you during the day. Even if he does have enough time to text you but doesn’t, it still might not be a bad sign. He could feel that you two are past the point of texting back and forth with small talk, and decide to save all those conversation topics for later when he is free and able to see you in person!
Also, consider that maybe you do not text him first enough- he could be refraining from anything more than “hey” because *you* are sending him signals that show him you are annoyed. For more information about this, check out this Her Campus Towson previous news article about playing “too hard to get.”
In either scenario, whether he is just not a big texter, he believes that you two are past the ‘texting-phase’, or he thinks he is bugging you, his actions do scream out one important fact: one of the first things he thinks about in the morning when he gets out of bed and one of the last things he thinks about after a busy day is you!
I think you need to be upfront and ask him about it. You are right in that telling him not to booty call, but you might offend him because those could be the opposite of his intentions. You don’t want to assume and accuse. Do, however, express your concerns about the way things are with him. Tell him that you are not judging him, but the fact that he only texts you once and then tries to come over makes you feel that he may have ulterior motives with you. If he is as sweet as he seems then he will be open to your worries and willing to sort this out with you.
xoxo Andi