Dear Andi,
I have been friends with this guy since freshman year and he has been dating a girl for a while. I really like her and I’m pretty good friends with her too. The thing is, I found out that she is cheating on my guy pal. I want to be able to tell him because I want to be a good friend, but I don’t want to betray her either, or get her pissed. What do I do?
From,
-Concerned Friend
Dear Concerned Friend,
I am very sorry to hear that situation. The most important thing to know is that no matter how this all plays out in the end, nothing is your fault. Your friends need to understand the situation you are in, and on top of that- it’s not your relationship; you can’t be blamed for any bad turns they may encounter.
There are a few things you can do. If you don’t know for sure if she is cheating, maybe ask her about it. If you do know and want him to know, you can write him an anonymous letter. This is beneficial because your identity is protected but on the other hand, he may not believe it.
I personally would risk her getting mad and tell him. I would do this because she is the one who has betrayed his trust, therefore not to tell him would be betraying him and telling him would only be “betraying” a betrayer. While two wrongs never make a right- I feel as if this is the best thing to do. If he somehow found out, not only would he be heartbroken, but if he found out you had known he would feel betrayed. If she found out that you told on her, she may get mad at you- but over time she has to come to her senses and take all the blame for her actions and forgive you. If she never does, she’s not worth your time and concern.
Ultimately, it is their relationship and they are the ones that will have to sort this out. However, telling him could save him from further heartbreak and despair. The best way to go about it is to sit down with him and tell him that you don’t want to start drama and you care for both of them deeply, but you would want to know if this were to happen to you; that you are trying to be a good friend. You can decide whether to let her know or not. With my experience, he is most likely going to tell her where he heard it from. Maybe it would be better if you let her know you cared about her a lot, but she was doing something wrong and to not tell him puts you in a bad position. Or, even tell her you know and that because it is her issue and her relationship, that you are offering for her to tell him herself.
I know this is just an awful, awkward and stressful situation, but go with your gut instinct. The fact that being in this position bothers you shows that you care and are a good friend. Follow your heart and handle it delicately. I wish you best of luck!
xoxo Andi