Dear Andi,
My best friend constantly flirts with my crush. She knows I like him and have for awhile. Every time we all hang out she’s loud and goofy and steals the show. She’ll interrupt me or make fun of me. I know she doesn’t like him because she’s dating someone else- she’s just a flirt with everyone. I normally wouldn’t be offended but how will he ever notice me when my own best friend is blocking his view?
Sincerely,
-Friends Don’t Share Everything
Dear Friends Don’t Share Everything,
I am sorry to hear that. It is hard enough watching your crush flirt with another girl, it is worse when that girl is your friend. I am sure that you have good judgment and can tell flirting from friendliness. I only want to warn you not to jump the gun. Don’t be quick to accuse her because she may not realize her actions, and it could cause drama. The worst feeling is when your friend misconstrues your intentions. To be blamed for intentionally hurting a friend is very disturbing- because you feel untrustworthy, and it hurts to be accused of something you would never intentionally do to someone you care about.
The only option to work through this the right way is to go to her about it. Let her know that you are not accusing her of being a bad person or a hussy. Acknowledge to her that you are aware she may not notice how her actions toward him come off, which is why you are letting her know. Also, let her know you understand that she is friendly and flirty with everyone because she’s an outgoing girl, and that you admire that in her, but express the issue at hand. Tell her that you really like this guy, and it’s harder for you to be confident when she is cutting you down. She might say that you two always joke and you never mind it. If she does, explain to her that this is different- of course you will be more aware of little things like that and be more likely to take things personally because you really like this boy.
She will understand your feelings and it is her duty as a friend to make some changes. But she can’t be a good friend and fix things if you don’t allow her the opportunity to by making her aware of the situation. Also, if you don’t tell her, things could eventually erupt.
If she is a creature of habit and is used to being the way she is around boys, you have to accept that she may slip up or forget. The fact that she probably doesn’t know her behavior is flirty means that it is likely she will also not know when it is. Let her know the specific things she does that hurt you. Also, prevent her from accidently doing it by coming up with some sort of signal- touch your nose or run your finger through your hair when she is edging the flirt zone. That way you give her the opportunity to make the right choices and be a good friend to you; because you can’t blame her if she’s not constantly aware of herself (no one is perfect at it).
xoxo Andi