Yep, YOU have Multiple Personality Disorder

As much as I love my girls, I gotta admit, boys are so much easier. Sometimes all the crazy just gets to be a bit much, am I right? Bros, I know you hear me. And ladies, think about your own mood swings – and the mood swings of those around you.
 
In a recent conversation with my boyfriend, I realized that I’m not even going to need this semester’s PSY 301 credit: I have diagnosed womankind! Multiple Personality Disorder. Particularly female American students are being pulled into at least five majorly conflicting personalities at once.
 
Fortunately, half the solution is identifying the problem, so I’m here to tell you about all your different selves.
 
1. The housewife

She cooks, she cleans, she’s sweet and charming. Who wouldn’t want to be with her? She’s the kind of girl every boy dreams of marrying. Don’t lie – all those times you’ve baked for your friends, all those times you’ve attempted to rock an apron or a string of pearls, she’s been the personality trying to break out. You want to be a mature woman who looks classy and lovable and who can one day care for a family. She’s the one who draws you to children or compels you to be maternal with people you care about. Every girl has a little of this inside her. But she has to fight for attention amidst the other personalities…

2. The sex kitten

She’s raw sex-appeal. She’s the one who pushes you to go to the gym, who helps make “bikini bod” articles the most-read on HerCampus’ site. She’s the one who slides on the little short-shorts and halter-tops, who adjusts her breasts into a VS Bombshell bra (TWO CUP SIZES!!!!!) and who all her guy friends secretly want and all her girlfriends secretly envy. She’s the one who smiles slyly at double-takes on the street and wiggles her hips a little more than necessary when she walks by a cute guy. You want to be a fantasy – you want to give a boy everything he’s ever wanted in a girl, to be proudly compared to the likes of Megan Fox or former-Britney Spears. This personality is the one who flirts, who hits up the club, who flips through Cosmo in hopes of discovering new, fresh ways to “turn him on.” Part of you longs to be the girl all his friends stare at and high-five him for. But part of you still feels compelled to be…

3. Innocent angel

She’s so adorable! Look at the ray of light around her head, the wide, questioning eyes. She’s the part of you that shrieks at bugs, that blinks or says “eww” at dirty jokes, that never swears and always giggles. Who could possibly not love her! You long to be the sweetheart that no one can say anything bad about, that people smile at automatically. She’s the part of you that wants to hold onto childlike joy, that will hug stuffed animals excitedly. You know when “Awwww! CUTE!” slips out of your mouth? Or when you hold someone’s hand? Or when you feel any sort of desire to actually skip somewhere? That’s when you can feel this personality emerging. But still, this girlishness flies in the face of…

4. Miss Independent

      Photo credit: Daniel Du

The smart phone. The suit. The click-clack of heels. This is the strong, working woman who walks around with sophistication and attitude. This part of you makes your strides a little longer, makes you order the most pretentious drink at Starbucks. You know you don’t need a man – heck, with your sexuality and charisma, you can achieve even more success than any guy could! This is every part of you that’s ever felt competitive, every part of you that’s ever enjoyed the feeling of stress. You love to have a planner which is booked, love to look at your resume, love to get the grade in every class because of this personality. Beyonce. Madonna. Part of you is a lioness, baby. But it can often subside to…

5. Romantic heroine

      Photo credit: Daniel Du

Sometimes, you love to wear long skirts that billow in the wind and look like the cover of some romance novel. This part of you feels a rush of passion at poetry, dabbles in writing or singing or painting, and allows yourself to fall in a weeping heap from time to time when this world seems too much to bear. This part of you longs for the strong arms of a man to comfort you when you’re most down, longs for canopy beds and swooping curtains, and loves watching sunrises or sunsets. This character is almost-flawless, always a victim, and, most importantly, always rescued by someone hunky and masculine. When you desire to dwell in the idea of “beauty,” your inner-romantic heroine is emerging. Yet she has to struggle with everything else, still…
 
There are so many more personalities that you can struggle with, depending on your religion, your family, and the people around you – but the reality of it is, we expect ALL of these things from ourselves and we think that everyone else (especially men) expect all of these things from us, as well!
 
I mean the reality of it is, all of these personalities definitely have their own appeal at different times. Who wouldn’t want to be charming and motherly? Or a sex-kitten? Or angelic? Or strong? Or romantic? But a lot of these things necessarily clash, and every single one of them is totally one-dimensional and impossible to achieve on its own.
So let’s be aware of these personalities struggling to emerge and laugh them off for the ridiculous, shallow images that they are.
 
Guys have told me again and again – what’s really most appealing is a girl who stands out as totally her own and who is completely confident in that. Guys would always rather have reality than a fantasy. And let’s face it, how do these “fantasy women” usually turn out? Stepford wives? Britney Spears? We deserve a brighter future.