One thing I constantly ask myself is, “Are you really happy with who you are right now?”
And I always cannot find the words to respond.
Not because I don’t know the answer, but because I know what exactly my answer was going to be.
I didn’t like who I was, and I still don’t like who I am.
In shorter words, I don’t love myself.
Whenever I say that I struggle with such issue, people always tell me something along the lines of “But Hanna, you aren’t ugly or fat” or “You’re just being too harsh on yourself. Try lowering your bars.”
However, when it comes to me not loving myself, it’s not always about my appearances.
It’s not the superficial sense of self-love I’m struggling the most with, like exercising every day, eating healthy and going to sleep early.
It’s about loving myself fully, from deep down inside to out, and top to bottom.
Coming to college and seeing and meeting so many people made me realize that no matter what, there will always be someone smarter than me, prettier than me, and simply just better than me.
Everyone seemed so confident in what they were doing, how they were, and seemed as if they had absolutely no concerns in life.
However, it didn’t take long for me to learn that I wasn’t the only one struggling with self-love.
As someone who loves talking to people and loves giving advice, many of my close friends come to me when they have problems or issues they want to talk about.
One common topic most of my friends like to discuss about is “How do I really truly love myself?”
At the beginning of the year, I told many that I really wasn’t the right person to ask this question since I also struggled and still struggle a lot with the same issue.
However, one-day it just clicked to me.
The poor choices and poor thoughts I had were making it even harder for me to love myself.
Every day, whether they are wise or poor, we make decisions.
In fact, the only thing we can really truly control is our self and the choices and decisions we make.
And so I made a decision.
I decided to wake up every day and tell myself to do one thing for just me myself and I.
Not two, not three.
Just one.
Whether it being staying in bed until a bit later than normal, or pulling out a yoga mat and following yoga youtube videos– hoping a toned tummy and great butt appears one day, I decided to do one thing for myself that I knew would make me feel a bit better about myself.
Though it has been barely two months since I’ve changed my attitude, the positive changes and decisions that I’ve made has noticeably affected how I feel and how I treat myself.
Telling myself to do one thing for myself has taught me to put myself as the most important thing.
It has taught me to choose myself for once.
Self-love is a for sure a long painful and slow process where I need to constantly remind myself that yes, I am deeply flawed and that I will probably never be perfect.
However, that’s what makes me human and that’s what makes me, me.
What’s most important is that no matter where I’m at in the process of self-love, always remember that..
I am more than enough.