I’ve heard it used time and time again, in and out of context, and in about a million different ways.
“That girl has some serious daddy issues.”
Girls that are considered to be overly flirty, non-committal, or seemingly unintelligent are labeled with a scarlet letter on their foreheads with a phrase that has transcended generations and has somehow survived decades of evolving social jargon.
Urban Dictionary offers several very “colorful” definitions of the phrase.
“Whenever a female has a f***** up relationship with her father, or absence of a father figure during her childhood, it tends to spill into any adult relationship they embark on, usually to the chagrin of any poor male in their life.”
“When a female has a bad relationship with her father or a father that walked out on her, causing her to seek male attention (be a slut).”
Synonyms include, but are not limited to: “slut,” “attention whore,” and “modern woman.”
When searching the Internet for a potential origin for this phrase, one would be surprised that my efforts were fruitless at best. The phrase, while widely used and wildly popular, has no clear birthplace. No place in pop culture, no Oedipus-style literary background. No one quite knows where this came from, but nearly everyone uses it. It is become part of our culture, and a way to self diagnose emotional damages among adult females.
I’m sick of it.
The term “daddy issues,” in itself, implies that females lacking a strong relationship with their father figure are “damaged,” “broken,” or even “desperate for male attention.”
While the absence of a parental figure, or memories of a childhood abandonment may leave a lasting impression on an individual, to say that females who have grown up without significant exposure to a male role model is an extremely unfair stereotype.
If you type in “daddy issues” in a standard Google search, you will find a multitude of articles with titles such as “5 Reasons You Shouldn’t Date A Girl With Daddy Issues,” or “5 Reasons You Should Date A Girl With Daddy Issues,” or even, a personal favorite, “Warnings Signs That She Has Daddy Issues: Get Out While You Can!”
There are 407,000 results related to this phrase.
Psychologically, childhood abandonment can lead to a variety of characteristics indicative of post traumatic stress disorder. According to Abandonment.net, these include an intense fear of abandonment, intrusive insecurity, difficulty feeling affection, excessive need to please others, and more.
All of which I have personally experienced at some point.
I have no relationship with my father. I have gone on to attend an excellent university, achieve above average grades, become president of my sorority, all while maintaining a job and an internship.
I am proud of who I have become.
However, these tendencies can exist in anyone, regardless of whether or not they went through childhood with an absent parent; they are mutually exclusive.
Using the phrase daddy issues is offensive. Plain and simple. It’s judgmental towards other women you may know nothing about, and it’s offensive towards women who have been abandoned by a parent in one way or another.
Why is it that so often women are judged on the relationship with their father anyway? If a woman dresses a certain way, people attribute it to “not having a father around.” If a woman remains in a toxic relationship, it’s because “her father never showed her how a man treats a woman.” The list goes on and on.
If a girl is impacted by the way a parent has treated her, it does not mean she has daddy issues. In my mind, daddy issues do not exist.
Personally, I was raised by a strong, independent mother, and I was able to learn how to set high standards for the way I am treated, and how to reach my goals and thrive on my own, because I have seen my mother do it all my life.
The next time you find yourself wanting to use the phrase, don’t. Females are on the same team, it’s time we start acting like it.